The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

A small European country has for years lived under one man. A man that recently announced his hatred for online porn videos. He swirls around in his fortress day in and day out, plotting schemes in order to eliminate his biggest pet peeve after the quartet of heroes that oppose him at every turn. The dictator has called forth a nationwide meeting to address his people. It was to be in the countryside, wherein his words and stature would be in plain sight.

His face, though hidden behind an iron mask he had fashioned to hide is damaged countenance, conveyed the authority that was carried by his words. There was a hush among the country folk, and the people watching on TV in their homes — as they are required to, waited with baited breath as their ruler began speaking. “Online porn” he hissed. “It is despicable! I did not gather my resources to save this decrepit land only to have it fall into degeneracy! There are values that I strongly uphold, and make no mistake, this nation is my house! You are all under the roof that I have built and you shall all face doom if you have violated the rules of my house!”

The dictators voiced boomed over the country. A dreaded silence fell over the nation. The dropping of a pin would reverberate and break everyone’s ear drums upon impact on the ground. The voice of one young man then, deafened everyone but the dictator himself. “But.. it’s all we have…” the boy said while sweating bullets.

Seconds of tense silence fell over the citizens. The monarch stared at the young man with a glaring intensity. Then he spoke the two words that would forever ring in the mind of the young man. “Seize him.” From there, a small army of mechanized soldiers forcibly took the boy and brought him to the furious dictator. He was kneeling and gritting his teeth with increasing fury as well. “Who are you?” the dictator asked, eyes never leaving the young man’s angry face. The young man met his gaze bravely.

“I am but a simple accountant, with dreams of one day relishing the fruits of the loins of a beautiful woman not unlike those found in the videos.” A tear slowly rolled down his cheek. He knew it was the end, and he refused to accept redemption by denouncing the videos.

A surge of energy from the dictator’s gauntlet dashed the young man’s dreams forever.

Robert and Doris happens to be a unique couple, so it did not come as no surprise to their friends of their unorthodox circumstances to their engagement. It was all thanks to an adult video on demand. Their story is as sweet as it is rather disturbing.

Robert and Doris have been living together for two years. They have always been very much in love with one another. However, there was one thing that always got Doris’ goat. Doris always hated the fact that Robert was constantly watching porn movies online. Every single time that Doris would turn her back, Robert would be on the computer digging up the sickest, vilest porn he could find. He never made an effort to hide it too. To his credit, Robert felt there was nothing to be ashamed about in liking porn.

Doris then tried to shame her man by talking about what she refers to as “his filthy habit” in front of their friends. This did not deter the porn loving Robert. In fact, he mistakenly took it as a sign of acceptance. One day, Doris decided to take a more aggressive action against Robert’s hobby. Every time she would catch Robert in the act, she would watch alongside him, doing off color annotations of the things he was watching. She would make jokes about the videos, even teasing him to pleasure himself. All the time Doris was hoping that her comments and jokes would discourage Robert from his constant porn patronage.

Robert, however, had a surprise for her that she would never, ever forget. Unbeknownst to his lady love, Robert had made phone calls and sent emails to the developers of his favorite porn sites. He had made arrangements for them to create a very special video for her. When he received a favorable reply, Robert set his master plan into motion.

On one Saturday evening, Doris came home to find Robert once again watching online porn videos. True to form, she sat down beside him, making her usual sarcastic comments. The video featured a man and a woman having sex, and Robert did not make a sound all through out the video. Once the performers were done with coitus, both looked at the camera and held up a sign that said “If you agree to marry me, Doris, I’ll keep the porn to a minimum”. Doris turned to see Robert with a ring in hand.

They are now happily married and enjoying porn together.

Back in the Nineties, the beloved Disney animated movie The Lion King was the subject of much controversy. There is a scene in the movie where Simba, the lead character, slumped down on a patch of flowers in disappointment after a harsh conversation with his father’s ghost. This caused the petals to float in the air. For a split second, the petals formed the word “sex”. To make matters worse, it was a child who noticed this. The scandalous situation had cost Disney a lot of money and the entire industry of animation now have been under close scrutiny. Now, more than a decade later, Disney is striking back through the world’s top porn sites.

In many of the online porn videos, the existence of “hidden Mickeys” has been discovered. To those who are not aware, “hidden Mickeys” are the Mickey Mouse logos that Disney usually litters its TV shows and movies with. They challenge the fans to find these cleverly hidden marketing tools. Now subtly visible in porn, these “hidden Mickeys” threaten to do more than just amuse people. It could potentially ruin the entire porn industry.

In an ironic twist, it was a balding, middle aged man by the name of Bob Samson noticed Disney’s subtle revenge scheme. What makes it ironic is that Samson is the distant cousin of the kid who saw the word “sex” in the Lion King, Samson finds Disney’s “hidden Mickey” attack on porn to be very distasteful. “Who the hell wants to think about Mickey Mouse when watching porn? If you ask me, that sort of thing is nothing short of evil, man.”

No one from Walt Disney offered to comment on the situation, but the general consensus among those within the porn industry is that Disney has crossed the line. Adult film star Balls E. Normous thinks that this could be a danger to his livelihood. “It’s all subliminal advertising, yo. Like indoctrination. The more people watch those ‘Mickeyed’ up videos, pretty soon they’ll be watching cartoons instead of my movies!”

If what Normous believes to be true, are there steps being taken to avoid a decline in the number of porn viewers? Normous remains peeved and troubled about the possibility.. “If this fucks up my business, I’m personally heading down to Disneyworld and give each and everyone of them a different kind og ‘hidden Mickey’”.

Elaine was an odd girl. Growing up in Tulsa, she was out of place in such a quiet, conservative city. She dressed in the manner of glamorous movie stars that adorn the red carpet on a regular basis. As a high school senior, Elaine was just trying to be hip to the contemporary trends. That was, until, she discovered online porn videos.

Elaine, for all the flashy clothes and accessories that embrace her body, is not merely imitating the fashion goddesses most girls like her worship. She actually believed herself to be one of them. No, Elaine had no questions about her identity. She knew for a fact that she was Elaine, high school senior in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She was surrounded by boys who will grow up to be overweight beer guzzling football fans with dead end jobs and end up with girls who’d be married them feeling quite miserable. This was her future. But she thought of herself as different. She was slated for better things, she says. Many would describe her condition as having delusions of grandeur.

This girl, who lived, breathed, and acted like a false celebrity, saw online videos of sex tapes as a way out. She saw these videos and saw an opportunity. She looked at these porn videos as a shot at true superstardom. She can garner enough attention that important might take notice and make her a star! She was willing to take a shot.

It started out with sexy pictures on Myspace. She then moved to other social networking sites, uploading pictures that are a notch racier then before. She started showing nude pictures of herself. She often checked them out online just to admire her own body. Once she graduated over to making sex tapes, her delusions worsened. After making a hastily done sex video with some boy in flannel and a mullet, Elaine officially saw herself as a legitimate star. She had been giving copies of her own porn tape to people, no matter if they asked or not.

Today, Elaine continues to do porn videos and actually dropped out of school. So she could invest more time in them. Her parents have tried professional help for their daughter, but none worked. She resisted the notion that she was getting out of hand! Hopefully, Elaine’s destructive path of delusion does not destroy her.

The world is growing darker everyday, and with technology being the way it is, it’s getting harder and harder to exchange information regarding global security without it being leaked out. Now, there is buzz circulating that certain intelligence agencies from all over the world are trying to use online porn videos to relay what’s supposed to be classified information.

While on the surface this concept possibly seems ridiculous to the common person, there is a lot of logic behind this course of action, if the rumors are to be believed. Porn videos are viewed by millions of people around the world, and there are thousands upon thousands of porn videos floating around the web that it would be nearly impossible to track down who’s viewing what and to what end. To someone who does not know any better, the notion of seeing an individual viewing sex videos from his or her laptop is perfectly normal, if not a bit perverted. The best way to hide something, sometimes, is by putting it out at plain sight. People have a tendency to ignore the obvious.

The interesting question to this little scenario is how it exactly is being or would be pulled off. It would be a tremendous error in judgment to have let’s say the CIA work with a production outfit to create specialized porn videos just for the purposes of communication. To trust that many individuals, civilians even, with such a responsibility, could lead to a major breach in security and could bring about disastrous results. Imagine the scales off the balance of power in the world getting tipped because a person who’s single greatest achievement in life is the ability to ejaculate ten times a day decides to play both sides? The level of embarrassment every person in the free world would feel when the war against terror is lost because of guy named “Sir Cums A Lot”.

It all sounds like a plot device from a really bad espionage movie, but the possibilities are endless. There is no telling if that technique is not yet being utilized as we currently speak. It is proposed then, to people who regularly check out porn videos online, to look for certain signs, or patterns. One never knows, a more diligent viewing of such sex videos could change the course of modern history. These days, nothing is beyond the realm of possibility.