The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

A local computer shop nearly went under due to a porn download that quickly went south. Rob, one of the technicians on the shop, apparently got bored with his designated station in life that he decided to spice things up and use the shop’s resources to download a few adult videos. Since the shop owner and manager of the store, Garrison Lance, was completely ignorant about all things computer-related with the glaring exception of how to sell them, Rob was pretty much in the clear.

Downloading porn had become somewhat of a habit for Rob. He’d come in and wait for his boss to grab lunch. He then hit the net and fill his download queue with his favorite adult films. Since his boss always asks Rob to go on overtime, (something that Rob has truly come to despise) Rob had an opportunity to take the finished downloads and copy them to his own personal disk. Rob’s passive aggressive brand of rebellion has gone on for weeks. Rob was beginning to get drunk on his own power. He felt he was untouchable, and he took up the shenanigans another notch. With his own personal hard drive getting full of porn, he had to stash the new downloads somewhere until he managed to come up with enough money to buy a new hard rive with bigger memory. For all of Rob’s shortcomings, he had been very adamant against theft, so the thought of just stealing a hard drive from a computer shop that gets more than its fair share of shoplifters never occurred to him. He did not, however, have any qualms about “borrowing” items.

In the backroom of the store lay a box of hard disk drives that had been sitting there for months. Any hope that these items would be sold had long ago been destroyed. So Rob, trusted employee that he is, decided to store an adult movie or two in each of the drives, secure in the knowledge that nothing would ever happen.

As Rob was on his day off, Mr. Lance had a very novel idea to save the store form dwindling sales. The store had a very special sale wherein anyone who buys a computer gets a brand new free extra hard disk drive. Needless to say all of Rob’s secret stash had been disposed. Once Rob came back to work and discovered what happened, he nearly had a panic attack, but decided to remain silent. He thought that the people would not mind getting a free porn movie with their purchase.

He was right, or course. People did not mind the porn. What they did mind was purchasing something that was advertised as “new” only to find out that it was not the case. Rob is now unemployed and facing legal action.

A porn search is not as easy as people think. It requires a certain amount of skill, patience, and perhaps even a complete mastery of search engines and other Internet tools and resources available online. Many people have determined that it’s high time to recognize gifted individuals with utmost dedication to be a master porn searcher. In any field it is important to determine who really rules the roost, and in 2010, the first ever annual porn search championship is to going to be held.

The event is organized by the Global Porn Specialist Group, or the GPSG. It is a one day tournament open to all Internet porn search fanatics from all over the world. This grueling tournament will pit these gifted individuals against each other, armed with only a normal computer with a fast Internet connection and their own special skills. These guys will be tasked to search of the rarest, most obscure porn ever placed online, many of which were planted and buried by the GPSG themselves.

Many in the GPSG are excited over this upcoming event. According to one of their representatives, this is comparable to a sacred quest for many porn fans. “Finding a good porn movie is like locating the Holy Grail. You can’t just go on a search engine and just type away. Sometimes you just have to dig deeper. And based from what we’ve seen, there are a lot of good diggers out there.”

The tourney is said to be subdivided into different categories. There’s the search for streaming porn video, wherein the contestants are given a limited to find a specific porn video in streaming sites. Then there’s the porn download category, where the contestants not only have to search for download links but have to be the first to finish downloading a good copy of the video. And then, there’s the lightning round which is the accumulation of specific porn photos under five minutes. It all ends with the final round, an all out search for a secret German BDSM porn made specifically for the event, and uploaded on that very day and hidden under several layers of other sites and pop ups.

“It’s very competitive, we are making sure of that. The prize of course would be worth it.”

It’s one of the age old questions that many individuals have pondered. What is the best way to watch adult content? Is a porn download much more ideal to streaming video? Are streaming sites preferable to having to download your porn? We examine the pros and cons of the two methods in attempt to figure out what truly is the best way to watch porn.

Let’s start with the content. Both methods of porn watching typically contain the same content. If it’s available on streaming, there is no reason to believe that the clip or movie is not downloadable. This notion of course does not work the other way around. A lot of times people use streaming sites to advertise certain movies, and you’ll have to download those movies to see the whole thing in its entirety. However, there are several cases wherein the people who download an entire porn movie discover that the best parts are already up for streaming, and they didn’t really miss much. This causes massive dissonance, especially if the content downloaded was not free.

The method in acquiring the porn is also a factor that affects the materials quality. Most people put up the best quality only for download, as video streaming does get a little slow if the video is of a higher quality. If not uploaded correctly, the streaming porn video would most likely be in a terrible condition.

Privacy is also another thing that should be taken into consideration. Porn and security go hand in hand. When it comes to porn, everyone becomes a veritable ninja, what with the sneakiness required and stuff. Streaming videos leave no trace evidence, especially if one knows how to cover his or her tracks, while downloading porn not only leaves evidence in the browser’s history but in the hard drive as well! And, if the video downloaded was from a questionable source, the danger of having your computer crash due to porn can be a tad embarrassing.

In conclusion, the answer to the age old question raised remains subjective. It depends on an individual needs and circumstances. Like say, if you were living alone, why would you have to be wary about privacy? In the end it is all up to the viewer to decide which medium is best for him or her. Remember though, to always use protection. Streaming or download, the Internet is still a Petri dish of viruses that can be damaging to your quality porn time.

A teenage girl in Ohio preparing for a Halloween party nearly suffers from sheer embarrassment. Hillary, a 16 year old high school student, organized a nice little Halloween sleepover with her friends. To truly get into the spirit of things, she goes online and attempts to download a bunch of classic 80s and 90s slasher movies. On her queue were titles like “I Know What You Did Last Summer”, “Scream”, both the original and remake versions of “Prom Night” and the overlooked classic “Valentine”.

As she’s checking the quality of her movies, with her mother, one turned out to be an unintentional porn download. When she checked her queue once more, she had apparently downloaded “I Know WHO You Did Last Summer”. The mother was so incensed that Hillary was grounded, thereby all hopes of throwing a Halloween eve slumber party were crushed. Her Internet privileges were revoked as well. Because of this tragedy, Hillary is now out looking for justice.

“I wasn’t my fault. How could I have known?” asked a seemingly inconsolable Hillary. The teen girl has now filed an official complaint against porn spoofs being too similar to the movies they parody. Hillary discovered that she was not a lone victim of this shocking dilemma.

Mary Watson, a mother from Wisconsin has filed the same complaint against certain porn companies. “I am not against pornography. Some people are into that, I respect that. I myself have indulged in a skin flick or two in my day, especially when my husband and I are preparing for love making. But when I saw from my kid’s laptop that he was down loading a movie titled In Diana Jones, I knew that sort of thing just had to stop. My little girl is not old enough to see that kind of thing.”

Similar complaints rage from all parts of the nation. Who is to blame in this cinematic crisis? Is it the producers of such movies for not exerting more effort into protecting the young from their adult content? Is it the parents for not supervising their children? Is it the Internet itself, with its endless access of unfiltered information? Maybe it is society, who tolerate the profane disgracing of cinematic masterpieces?

Maybe the blame lies in people like Hillary and Mary, who fail to realize that downloading movies is considered illegal and a slap in the face of intellectual rights.