The Porn Crusader’s tale begins a quiet night in his apartment. It was a boring old weeknight, and in his own words, “life was mundane as mundane can possibly be”. He popped a newly rented VHS tape into his player (VHS is still a big thing in his part of the woods) and proceeded to view what he still describes as the “greatest porn video ever made”. He was treated to a stunning series of sexual action that featured the
best in the world of BDSM. That was the point when the Crusader was born. He saw the cries of the
woman bound and gagged, and being pleasured by sex toys. He saw the tears of the world. The pained moans of the woman who was subjected with a string of anal beads only made the Crusader hear her cries of a world in peril. He had heard the call to arms of a world that was tired of taking it in the ass. He felt the the time was right. It was the perfect scenario for the rise of The Porn Crusader.

When asked about his superhero code name, the Crusader looked dumbfounded. “I’m the Porn Crusader. I watched porn, I decided to crusade. What’s weird about that?” When it was explained to him that his name suggests that he was a crusader for the rights of pornographic material, the Crusader’s eyes widened. “Huh?”

Nevertheless, the Crusader had trained himself in martial arts and armed himself with the best sex toys money can buy. Each of the dildos he uses have been customized for combat and pleasure alike. “With
devices created with the intention of inflicting an unforgettably painful experience to its victim, I shall clean up Newfoundland! First, Canada, tomorrow, the world.”

Canada’s most wanted have something to fear now, and his name is The Porn Crusader.

Public Enemies is an animated adaptation of the comic book storyline that pits Superman and Batman against a host of both superheroes and super villains under the employ of then US President Lex Luthor. The comic book story arc featured great action and amazing art. It even had narrative balloons that offer insight to Superman’s and Batman’s thoughts. This gives the reader a unique perspective on each hero’s mutual respect for each other. What’s amazing is that through these narratives, the two completely different characters are put on a parallel that makes anyone able to relate to that kind of friendship.

The animated movie however, with its limitations, was not able to convey their humanity. So what you get is ninety minutes of two muscular men in tights staring at each other and conveying their mutual respect in a manner that can easily be misinterpreted to be something else. This would definitely inspire everyone with nothing but homoerotic thoughts. Throughout the movie, you just wait for them to drop the posing and start making out. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Spoiler alert though, they don’t.

But of course, the movie just opens floodgates in one’s mind. There is just literally a hundred images wherein Batman and Superman getting it on that surface in one’s mind. With Superman’s seemingly limitless powers and Batman’s intellect and arsenal of gadgets, there is nothing these two are not capable of. From vibrating batarangs to cumshots that are faster than a speeding bullet, there is nothing that could possibly top a Superman and Batman porn movie. Unless of course they manage to convince Wonder Woman to do a threesome. That would be the be all and end all of porn scenes. But hell, why limit it to the big three? Get the entire Justice League in there for a full blown orgy! Just the thought of the Martian Manhunter and Plastic Man shape-shifting into different sexual devices is already worth watching. And what will Aquaman bring to the table?

“It has been a wild, amazing ride for me” exclaims McWolfe with nearly a teary eyed expression. “I feel like I’ve really established myself in the porn industry. I’m very thankful for the last several years, for being just part of the business in that capacity.”

McWolfe is a former stuntman that went into fight choreography after a near fatal accident. His first few gigs were for some low budget action movies. During one of these jobs, he was approached by the lead actor, who actually does some porn work on the side, and offered McWolfe a stint at a porno he was doing. At first McWolfe was reluctant, but he soon fell in love with the usiness and decided to stay.

“At first I didn’t think that there’d be enough jobs for me, but I was obviously wrong. Like most people, I didn’t appreciate the other aspects of the porn industry, and I didn’t even know that any of them had any fight scenes. Now, I tell everyone I meet that the best porn videos have awesome fight scenes!” McWolfe’s body of work is not a fancy as some of his Hollywood counterparts, but McWolfe had learned to do the best with a smaller budget. “If the director knows what he’s doing, then I wouldn’t have to worry. And I’m proud to say that I’ve worked with the best directors ever, and I noticed that none of them are doing mainstream movies!”

McWolfe has just finished writing his memoirs, and he’s hoping to get it published. He says it contains many amazing stories about the porn industry as well as some of the celebrities he has had the pleasure of working with, as a stuntman and as a choreographer. While still looking for a publisher, McWolfe has already wasted no time trying to promote the book. “My life is full of anecdotes, and I’m sure that anyone would find my memoirs a great read.”

Now, this tale is a fairly common one especially during such a sad time in global economy. What makes this story interesting is the resident himself, who along with his other stuff, lost a very valuable collection.

It turns out the man is somewhat of a connoisseur of adult videos. His collection of classic and hard to find cult favorite porn titles is so vast that the bank is holding a very special auction for these movies. These films come in a variety of formats, from 16 and 8 mm reels to betamax, VHS tapes, and several laser disc copies.

The selection includes classics like the first release of Debbie Does Dallas and other classic porn, as well as first appearances of famous porn stars like Tera Patrick, Peter North, Jesse Jane, Tracy Lords, Ron Jeremy and many other legends in the industry.

The collection also spans the globe as well as genres. He has the best porn from every country and every niche ever made. This treasure chest of smut features everything from hardcore, softcore, all the way to gay porn and bondage.

The true gems of this impressive collection are the 8 mm and 16 mm tape reels that feature truly vintage adult films that were made in the 60s and earlier. When asked to comment about his collection, the resident seemed forlorn about losing a library that he had worked so hard to assemble. “People would call me a pervert just because I collect these” he said. “I just find it very amusing, and worth collecting. I’ve often been fascinated by porn, and I think of porn as a reflection of society, or the society it was forged from.”

“Watch the really old ones, you’d see girls parading around in their granny panties. Watch the Japanese porn tapes I have, and see how different their porn is compared to their Western counterparts. Porn is not just for perverse purpose.”

It is reported that a portion of the proceeds from the auction will go to the Foundation Against Sex Addicts.

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