Posts Tagged ‘adult sex videos’

Adult Sex Videos As A New Trend In Romance

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Back in the Eighties and early Nineties, guys giving out mix tapes to their girlfriends are all the rage. Some of the cheesier individuals still practice the seemingly archaic mating ritual. Nowadays people would burn a CD or even just exchange songs from their iPods. A lot of A-listers smooth things over with their significant others by giving each other DVD’s of their adult sex videos.

It has become common practice for couples to videotape themselves during coitus. This is one of the biggest benefits that came with the advancements of home video technology. And now that the reproduction of said videos is as easy as making them, many people have used their computers to edit their most intimate moments and turn them into an ideal anniversary gift. One B-level celebrity, who had requested anonymity, revealed this new gift giving idea. “It’s a great way to celebrate your love and affection for each other. Those are your private moments. It’s the one thing that only you and he can have, so why not immortalize it in video? Making a porn mix tape is just a splendid way of recounting all the good and bad times.”

The news of this recent discovery created a bit of a stir. Entertainment journalists now got their game faces on and their panties in a twist rabidly searching for any wayward sex videos they could get their hands on. “I don’t doubt for a second that those leeches can manage to get their hands on something that personal” commented an anonymous celebrity. “But I do hope they refrain from invading people’s privacy. Respect from the paparazzi is something that no amount of appeal to their sense of decency would bring about, but one can hope. I mean, these mix tapes aren’t your run of the mill sex videos, you know. These are two people celebrating their love, albeit in a non-conventional way.”

When asked about the most famous couples that she knows for a fact give each other these types of videos, the anonymous celebrity just cracked a smile.” Honey, you really have no idea, do you? Everyone does it! I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone who has access to equipment neglect to do it. What’s the point, right? It’s like having a webcam chat and you’re not naked.”

Adult Sex Videos Turns Teen To Success

Monday, December 28th, 2009

When high school senior Andy discovers that his college fund was lost during the recession, he decided to raise the money on his own. However, he knew that working in some lame summer job would not be able to support his academic needs. So he decided to make the ultimate sacrifice. He decided to sell his adult porn videos.

Andy had amassed an amazing collection of porn movies that was the envy of everyone in their sleepy little town of Shermer, Wisconsin. In fact, adult and teen males alike refer to him as “the porn guy”. A title which Andy was proud to be bestowed upon. However, with his lifelong dream of becoming a Physics major put in jeopardy by the global economic crisis, he had to improvise.

It was in a rented storage space that Andy set up shop. It took him three trips using his dad’s Impala to get all of his porn videos and his computer there. He hyped up the event as a one night only sale of all his entire porn collection. The news spread like wildfire. Set to begin at midnight, Andy was surprised to see a long line of people who had camped out patiently waiting to get first dibs. Andy opened up his makeshift store, and the people all rushed in. It was absolute madness. All night, Andy was accepting payments, making recommendations, even pitching lesser videos and making deals.

He was respected enough that no one even tried to steal from him despite the opportunities the chaos had brought. From midnight to sunrise, Andy had managed to sell every piece of his cherished collection. He set there, greeted the sunrise with coffee in hand. He counted the money that he earned. It was then that he had an epiphany. As the sunlight swept through the town of Shermer, Andy realized this true calling.

The following day, Andy had cancelled his application to the state’s top Science University and had decided to use the money to open up his own business. Andy now has his sights set on opening up his very own adult video store. “The Porn Guy’s Treasure Chest of Smutty Goodness” will be opening its first branch in March of next year.

Sometimes life makes unexpected detours into desperation before one discovers his path. Andy can not be any happier now.

Big Budget Adult Sex Videos About To be Launched

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

Glenn Jacobs is a believer in the power of money. Jacobs firmly believes that the more money you have,
the more you can accomplish. Jacobs, by far, is not a materialistic person. He just wants to stay on the practical side of things. So when Jacobs sees the dismal state of the majority of adult sex videos out in the market today, he decided to do something about it.

Jacobs is a retired businessman who has secretly funded many Hollywood blockbusters. He decided to work his magic on a porn project that he promises would take the porn industry to a whole new level. “The porn movies I see today fail at even getting me aroused because of the really bad quality. True, when you have a hot woman working in front of the camera, it captures your attention. But I’m the type of guy who needs more. I envision myself as a perfectionist, and I recognize my own limitations. I know for a fact that even with the money, I will not be able to score a woman the hotness level of an adult film star. That’s the reason why when I watch an adult video, I want it to be larger than life. I want it to truly display my deepest fantasies.”

Jacobs will be pursuing a producer position for this project. “I want a porn movie that has all the elements of a major Hollywood production; the same level of quality and production value; but with really hot sex scenes. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

Pursuing this project has now consumed all of Jacobs’ time. He has been constantly on the phone trying to get people on board the project, and wants nothing less than the top names in the film industry working on it. “I’m still waiting for call backs from certain people. I’m just getting frustrated that many of these so-called artists refuse to share my vision. I can match the offers that Spielberg is getting, but there are just way too many pretentious pricks out there. In fact, I’ve had many interested parties already, some of the biggest names in the business, but I wont allow them to use a pseudonym. I’d like to believe I’m also paying for the name.”

Jacobs vows to not stop until he produces what he describes as the biggest porn project in the history of man.

Lovers Brought Together by Adult Sex Videos

Saturday, October 24th, 2009

Despite what the movies might imply, not all romances are like those Meg Ryan movies, where things start out with exchanges of witty banter and then before you know it… wedding bells. Meet Michael and Rachel, two lovers brought together by fate and their common love for adult sex videos.

The romance started out in college. They did not know each other then, nor did they have any points of tangency when it came to their respective circle of friends. The only thing they had in common was a small video shop where both frequently rented movies. Both had been very loyal customers of the said video store for years, but their paths had not crossed until one Sunday morning. Both were recovering from a hangover from two different parties and they needed the sobering effects that only porn can bring. They both waited outside the closed doors of the store, pointedly ignoring each other. The clerk from the video store had a reputation for being late, and neither of the two seemed to be bothered nor surprised when he showed up forty minutes later with an arrogant smirk.

The two would be lovers did the usual song and dance most people renting porn do. They wandered around the video store for a few minutes, looking at random videos trying their best to pretend to be interested in anything but porn. After circling the store a couple of times, they ended up in the adult video aisle. Unbeknowst to each other, both their eyes were fixed on a single video on the rack, a Star trek inspired BDSM video. Both reached for the video, and like any cheesy romantic comedy movie, they picked the single video at the same time. Their eyes locked, and the rest was history.

After a few years of dating, they have decided to get married and now, by January of 2010, they’ll be opening up their own adult video shop. Rachel claims she’s the happiest woman on Earth. “It’s really great to find someone who shares a particular interest with you, enough so to actually pursue it as a source of livelihood. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship does not revolve around porn, but it did bring us together in some weird way. Kinda sweet.”

Michael concurs. “I think our relationship blossomed because of that first meeting. I mean, after a girl catches you renting porn and doesn’t mind, it kinda negates a lot of the awkward stuff normal couples have to go through. “

The two still watch the same porn video every anniversary.

Adult Sex Videos Caused Fatal Coronary on Jacko’s Missing Terrier

Saturday, October 10th, 2009

SAUSALITO, CA — Twinkle Toes, the late Michael Jackson’s 15-year old terrier was found dead in an adult store in Sausalito, California. The deceased pet was discovered tethered by chains in the backdoor of “Kiss And Tell”, a neighborhood adult sex shop. The dog was placed three feet from a fifteen inch LCD tv monitor that played a loop of adult sex videos while the store opened shop. The sexual acts committed on the screen must have disturbed the old animal so much that it had a coronary attack and passed away unnoticed.

A friend of the Jackson family, who requested his name to be witheld, visited the adult store and recognized the missing pooch. Unfortunately, the day after the friend came back with Jackson’s mother, they found that the dog had already transpired.

This news came weeks after the death of Jackson last August. The Jackson family had been searching in vain for the dead man’s favorite dog. The household help believed that the dog somehow left the three acre Jackson estate after police has broke inside the mansion. The commotion must have scared off the beloved pet leading him to wander in the Sausalito neighborhood where the adult store owner found it.

It is yet to be clear whether the Jackson family will press charges on the adult shop owner who found the dog. According to one member of the family, she didn’t think a dog should be subjected to watch almost 24 hours of adult sex videos everyday. The Jackson estate can sue the adult shop owner with animal cruelty and kidnapping.

Michael Jackson, Jr. was a real estate magnate who owned a successful chain of pet grooming stores and whose name was often mistaken as the King Of Pop who also died in August.



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