The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

While it is a generally accepted fact that people watch porn for the sex scenes, there is something that distinguishes which videos are distinctly better than the other. An anonymous porn expert declared that the secret to the best sex videos not just lie in the sex scenes and performers, but actually in how interesting the dialogue is. Such a statement has then evolved into a frequently discussed topic, and up until now, the debate rages on.

“It does have some bearing to it” said media analyst Charles Wang. “While visual stimuli do carry most of the impact to the recipient, it is the auditory stimuli that stick to one’s mind. That is why pop songs tend to get stuck in a person’s head regardless of an individual’s musical preference. And theaters and home theater system always boast superior sound systems as their selling point. It is what we hear that completes the experience, otherwise it would no longer be an audiovisual medium. Would you, in all honesty, enjoy a soundless porn movie? It’s doubtful. I know I won’t.”

Despite not being known for a medium with a glaring affinity for the written word, the porn medium does manage to come out with dialogue that is sufficient to achieve its intended purpose. “”Notice how every one has a favorite movie quote?” asked fight choreographer and film buff Enrique San Juan. “Dialogue from movies, porn or not, is exactly what you want to say whenever you’re faced in the situation. If I’m ever put in a typical porn situation, I can only hope that what comes out of my mouth is half as cool as what the actors say.”

If this is true, then how come no one can ever remember a line from any porn movie when asked to recite one? This is the main question that is raised by those who oppose this stand. These “purists” as they prefer to be called are against the new mentality of porn being described in the same breath as mainstream movies.

Whether or not dialogue is a truly pivotal aspect in the quality of adult videos, the fact that it is heavily discussed bodes well for the entire industry. With ideas such as these brewing, future generations can rest assured with the knowledge that the creative blood of porn will continue to flow.

Enlightenment comes from many different things. Bernard, a bus driver in his mid-20s, knows this to be true. He claims to have found enlightenment in the most unexpected of things. Through hot Asian porn, Bernard believes he has acquired a wisdom that cannot be matched.

For Bernard, everything started out innocently. Or at least, as innocent as one seeking porn to relieve one’s self of certain urges could be. So searching through the Internet, Bernard stumbled upon a website that on the surface seemed like a garden variety porn streaming site. When he started viewing the videos however, something clicked in his mind. Bernard then started watching one Asian porn video after the other without even feeling the least bit aroused. He was a captive audience to these videos. He saw something that he had never seen before. He saw the answers to all of life’s questions.

Bernard went out the following day to rent as many Asian porn videos as he could. Ignoring the dirty looks he was getting on the street, he walked hurriedly back to his apartment to watch. He even called in sick from work. For an entire day, Bernard immersed himself in Asian porn. He claims that he had been changed forever. He immediately shaved his head and spent countless hours lost in deep meditation. He had also quit his job and after a few months of preaching on the streets, have gone into writing and teaching.

“Many people would scoff when I tell them the tale” said the reformed Bernard. “No, I am not perverting any of the existing faiths. I just found that shaving my head very therapeutic. I had to shed signs of my troubled past, and my hair was a direct symbol of that. The hair that I now have is the hair I’ve always had since discovering my new path.”

But what exactly did he learn from the sex videos of the East? “I noticed a certain level of peace, and applied it to my self. The tranquility of a diverse universe. The sadness of earthly pursuits. The isolation of greed. All that are present in most Asian porn videos, if you would look at it in a particular way.”

Bernard has had his name changed to Divine Swallow, and amassed a vast library of porn videos. These videos he uses during his preaching sessions in his nearly empty apartment.

Many people admire the Japanese as a nation and as a people due to their countless contributions to the world. From their impeccable technology to the cultural landmarks such as the samurai, the Japanese have always been regarded as consistently being at the top of the proverbial global class. But one thing that truly sets Japan head and shoulders above the global competition is the undeniable quality of their porn. Truly, Japan has the best porn videos.

Their very presence in the porn industry has been nothing but years upon years of utter impact, changing the landscape of porn forever. From school girls with the short skirts to big, hulking men with tentacle penises, Japanese porn has taken sex movies into a whole new level. Should we expect little from the country that produced a certain Akira Kurosawa?

The term “bukkake” is obviously of Japanese descent, and it is a clear reflection of how bold the Japanese truly are, slinging their sperm towards unsuspecting female pedestrians or having a willing female take gallons, it seems, of sperm over her pretty face. Hentai has become so popular that it has evolved into a major part of geek culture, with its amazing animation, imaginative sex scenes and of course, out of the box storytelling.

Japanese porn is also lauded for their uber realistic depiction of rape and gang rape. The use of petite women and the image of having said women be taken by force by a number of healthy young men is the ultimate commentary of a male dominated nation such as Japan. In fact, there are fewer Japanese porn videos that feature the female lead as the sexual aggressor than otherwise.

When it comes to weird, Japanese porn not only crosses it, but does cartwheels all over the other side of the line. From the very perverse exhibitionist train sex videos, to the rampant use of sex toys, Japanese porn shows exactly the sort of repressed sexuality an entire nation possesses. No other nation has produced porn so influential that it is copied by every other porn producing country in the world. It is hard to watch a porn video these days that goes on without the least bit of Japanese influence.

Japanese porn is the ultimate outlet for those who has ever wanted to explore the most taboo, and Japanese porn indeed is the best in the world. If the nation of Japan truly has anything to be proud of, and they do, it is their unsung hero. The medium of pornography. Thank you Japan for some of the truly best sex videos!

He’s smarter than the average bear, and if you’ve seen his adult sex video. You know that Yogi Bear is superior in other ways besides intellect. Over the years there has been an onslaught of cartoon sex videos, thanks largely to the proliferation of flash animation and an entire generation of perverts. From the Flintstones having orgies with the Rubbles, to the cast of Family Guy getting it on, beloved cartoon characters have been used in some of the sickest ways imaginable.

A recent survey of fans of these kinds of videos indicated that Yogi Bear’s sex video is surprisingly at the top of the list. Yogi Bear, though a beloved cartoon character from the golden age of Hanna Barbera Cartoons dating back to the 70s, does not measure in popularity against bigger cartoon icons like the Simpsons or Disney characters. However, Yogi’s indecent behavior with love interest Lulu has garnered the most nods, slightly edging out the classic Aladdin porn video.

There are other notable mentions in this category. Fans have voted that the Gundam scene in the classic Dragonball Z/Sailor Moon porn movie as officially the weirdest animated porn scene anyone has ever seen. The movie is a crossover of two popular anime series, and it included other popular anime characters as well. In the said scene, a Gundam robot gets it on with one of the mechs from Neon Genesis Evangelion!

Voted in for the most disturbing animated porn video is Garfield, who’s seen banging Arlene, the uppity female cat of his dreams. The scenes from the movie show everyone get some sex action, including Odie and Jon. Man’s best friend indeed. A close second to this is the scene from the Simpsons sex video, where after watching his best friend Milhouse get it on with his sister Lisa, Bart joins in on the action for some incestuous fun.

Fans also have some requests for upcoming animated flicks. Porn fans and comic book geeks alike would love to see a porn version of Justice League Unlimited. Imagine Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, Vixen and Supergirl getting nailed simultaneously at super speed by the Flash! Fans also want to see all ten of Ben 10’s alien incarnations have a shot at some pussy. People are also clamoring for some porn involving video game characters, like Lara Croft, Jill Valentine, Princess Toadstool and the rest of the cast of Super Mario Bros., and of course, Mrs. Pac Man.

A man in Kentucky is about to make history, and it all started over a bottle of Grey Goose. Wade Johnson went to his friend’s house for a night of drinking one Saturday night, and he walked out with a bet that promises to snag him over twenty thousand dollars. And all he has to do to earn that small fortune is to watch porn online.

The details of the bet are simple. Wade has to watch 18 hours of online sex videos a day. No repeats, no stopping. If he manages to do this for an entire month, all of Wade’s friends who were in attendance that night would contribute to pay Wade twenty thousand big ones. His friends would be checking him at his apartment at random times a day and they will also be checking up on him via remote desktop. Wade has to divide the remaining 6 hours with sleep and bathroom breaks. As additional proof, Wade has to catalog every single porn video he watches and the length, just to ensure that by month’s end, he has hit the right amount of hours to win the money. The unemployed Wade sees this as a golden opportunity.

“Eighteen hours a day for an entire month” said the fatigued Wade. “It’s not as easy as people would think, but then again, it’s not that hard.”

Wade has just finished one week of this crazy bet. “At first it was hard,, because I have to cook and eat my meals as well, and even after a week, I still haven’t developed the stomach that would enable me to eat and watch some guy drilling a girl with his big penis just yet.”

When asked if he ever pleasured himself during the week that he’s been committed to the bet, Wade was completely honest. “The first couple of days, I was jacking off like crazy. By the third day, watching it just became sort of a job. It’s becoming really tiring.”

His friends have serious doubts, of course, as to whether or not Wade can pull through. “Wade has always been one of those people that can’t finish what he starts. We’re all pretty sure that halfway through he’d be out of the game.”

Wade resented that comment. “I’ll show them. I’ll show them all. I may not be able to do a lot, but if there were championships for sitting around and just watching porn, I’d have a dynasty going. It would be a distinct pleasure proving them wrong as I spend their hard earned money.”

Small time author Henry Arthur has written an in-depth journal chronicling his latest obsession, live porn. Arthur has been deeply engrossed with people performing live sex acts either in front of him or through the webcam, and some of those viewing sessions have affected Arthur in more ways than one. According to the author, the book would be how live porn has inspired him to take an objective look at his life, and the revelations he’d made while viewing complete strangers have sex.

Tentatively entitled “The Voyeur Looks Inward”, the book is an autobiographical piece that is tied together by numerous jaunts to live sex performers. Arthur’s interview revealed that his trips to online live sex videos and others are to satisfy a certain need. “It all started out back in 1998,and I was in one of these places where you pay for women to do stuff to themselves. That night, I as I watched, suddenly certain images from my life and particularly my childhood flashed in my mind. I went out of that bar with a deeper sense of clarity. It was then that I started writing journals.”

Arthur says that while he does not get “epiphanies” with every viewing, he would average a “vision” at two out of fives live sex sessions. ”It was really odd at first, how I could figure out certain tough situations in my life while in that position. I asked around about it, and most experts I’ve talked to told me that it was normal. Everyone has a certain place or activity that acts as positive stimuli and makes one think about certain things. I guess live sex is my number one stimuli.”

The book also illustrates how a guy like Arthur thinks and feels, and the author promises that it would be a true “window” to his soul. “I’ve always been a voyeur, ever since I was a young and I caught a glimpse of my neighbor’s parents getting it on through their bedroom window. This book I guess is my way of putting my self on the other end of the spectrum, and I did not hold anything back. This is me, all of me, and if readers like it, great. If not, I really wouldn’t mind. The book is essentially just me being honest, and I think that there’s too much pretension out there for me not to be.”