Posts Tagged ‘adult video’

Tragedy Strikes As Porn Download Goes Awry

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

A local computer shop nearly went under due to a porn download that quickly went south. Rob, one of the technicians on the shop, apparently got bored with his designated station in life that he decided to spice things up and use the shop’s resources to download a few adult videos. Since the shop owner and manager of the store, Garrison Lance, was completely ignorant about all things computer-related with the glaring exception of how to sell them, Rob was pretty much in the clear.

Downloading porn had become somewhat of a habit for Rob. He’d come in and wait for his boss to grab lunch. He then hit the net and fill his download queue with his favorite adult films. Since his boss always asks Rob to go on overtime, (something that Rob has truly come to despise) Rob had an opportunity to take the finished downloads and copy them to his own personal disk. Rob’s passive aggressive brand of rebellion has gone on for weeks. Rob was beginning to get drunk on his own power. He felt he was untouchable, and he took up the shenanigans another notch. With his own personal hard drive getting full of porn, he had to stash the new downloads somewhere until he managed to come up with enough money to buy a new hard rive with bigger memory. For all of Rob’s shortcomings, he had been very adamant against theft, so the thought of just stealing a hard drive from a computer shop that gets more than its fair share of shoplifters never occurred to him. He did not, however, have any qualms about “borrowing” items.

In the backroom of the store lay a box of hard disk drives that had been sitting there for months. Any hope that these items would be sold had long ago been destroyed. So Rob, trusted employee that he is, decided to store an adult movie or two in each of the drives, secure in the knowledge that nothing would ever happen.

As Rob was on his day off, Mr. Lance had a very novel idea to save the store form dwindling sales. The store had a very special sale wherein anyone who buys a computer gets a brand new free extra hard disk drive. Needless to say all of Rob’s secret stash had been disposed. Once Rob came back to work and discovered what happened, he nearly had a panic attack, but decided to remain silent. He thought that the people would not mind getting a free porn movie with their purchase.

He was right, or course. People did not mind the porn. What they did mind was purchasing something that was advertised as “new” only to find out that it was not the case. Rob is now unemployed and facing legal action.

Obscure Punk Band Appears In Amateur Adult Video.

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Unlocking the Secret to the Best Sex Videos

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

While it is a generally accepted fact that people watch porn for the sex scenes, there is something that distinguishes which videos are distinctly better than the other. An anonymous porn expert declared that the secret to the best sex videos not just lie in the sex scenes and performers, but actually in how interesting the dialogue is. Such a statement has then evolved into a frequently discussed topic, and up until now, the debate rages on.

“It does have some bearing to it” said media analyst Charles Wang. “While visual stimuli do carry most of the impact to the recipient, it is the auditory stimuli that stick to one’s mind. That is why pop songs tend to get stuck in a person’s head regardless of an individual’s musical preference. And theaters and home theater system always boast superior sound systems as their selling point. It is what we hear that completes the experience, otherwise it would no longer be an audiovisual medium. Would you, in all honesty, enjoy a soundless porn movie? It’s doubtful. I know I won’t.”

Despite not being known for a medium with a glaring affinity for the written word, the porn medium does manage to come out with dialogue that is sufficient to achieve its intended purpose. “”Notice how every one has a favorite movie quote?” asked fight choreographer and film buff Enrique San Juan. “Dialogue from movies, porn or not, is exactly what you want to say whenever you’re faced in the situation. If I’m ever put in a typical porn situation, I can only hope that what comes out of my mouth is half as cool as what the actors say.”

If this is true, then how come no one can ever remember a line from any porn movie when asked to recite one? This is the main question that is raised by those who oppose this stand. These “purists” as they prefer to be called are against the new mentality of porn being described in the same breath as mainstream movies.

Whether or not dialogue is a truly pivotal aspect in the quality of adult videos, the fact that it is heavily discussed bodes well for the entire industry. With ideas such as these brewing, future generations can rest assured with the knowledge that the creative blood of porn will continue to flow.

Adult Video On Demand As A Means To Get Married

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Robert and Doris happens to be a unique couple, so it did not come as no surprise to their friends of their unorthodox circumstances to their engagement. It was all thanks to an adult video on demand. Their story is as sweet as it is rather disturbing.

Robert and Doris have been living together for two years. They have always been very much in love with one another. However, there was one thing that always got Doris’ goat. Doris always hated the fact that Robert was constantly watching porn movies online. Every single time that Doris would turn her back, Robert would be on the computer digging up the sickest, vilest porn he could find. He never made an effort to hide it too. To his credit, Robert felt there was nothing to be ashamed about in liking porn.

Doris then tried to shame her man by talking about what she refers to as “his filthy habit” in front of their friends. This did not deter the porn loving Robert. In fact, he mistakenly took it as a sign of acceptance. One day, Doris decided to take a more aggressive action against Robert’s hobby. Every time she would catch Robert in the act, she would watch alongside him, doing off color annotations of the things he was watching. She would make jokes about the videos, even teasing him to pleasure himself. All the time Doris was hoping that her comments and jokes would discourage Robert from his constant porn patronage.

Robert, however, had a surprise for her that she would never, ever forget. Unbeknownst to his lady love, Robert had made phone calls and sent emails to the developers of his favorite porn sites. He had made arrangements for them to create a very special video for her. When he received a favorable reply, Robert set his master plan into motion.

On one Saturday evening, Doris came home to find Robert once again watching online porn videos. True to form, she sat down beside him, making her usual sarcastic comments. The video featured a man and a woman having sex, and Robert did not make a sound all through out the video. Once the performers were done with coitus, both looked at the camera and held up a sign that said “If you agree to marry me, Doris, I’ll keep the porn to a minimum”. Doris turned to see Robert with a ring in hand.

They are now happily married and enjoying porn together.

Adult Sex Videos Turns Teen To Success

Monday, December 28th, 2009

When high school senior Andy discovers that his college fund was lost during the recession, he decided to raise the money on his own. However, he knew that working in some lame summer job would not be able to support his academic needs. So he decided to make the ultimate sacrifice. He decided to sell his adult porn videos.

Andy had amassed an amazing collection of porn movies that was the envy of everyone in their sleepy little town of Shermer, Wisconsin. In fact, adult and teen males alike refer to him as “the porn guy”. A title which Andy was proud to be bestowed upon. However, with his lifelong dream of becoming a Physics major put in jeopardy by the global economic crisis, he had to improvise.

It was in a rented storage space that Andy set up shop. It took him three trips using his dad’s Impala to get all of his porn videos and his computer there. He hyped up the event as a one night only sale of all his entire porn collection. The news spread like wildfire. Set to begin at midnight, Andy was surprised to see a long line of people who had camped out patiently waiting to get first dibs. Andy opened up his makeshift store, and the people all rushed in. It was absolute madness. All night, Andy was accepting payments, making recommendations, even pitching lesser videos and making deals.

He was respected enough that no one even tried to steal from him despite the opportunities the chaos had brought. From midnight to sunrise, Andy had managed to sell every piece of his cherished collection. He set there, greeted the sunrise with coffee in hand. He counted the money that he earned. It was then that he had an epiphany. As the sunlight swept through the town of Shermer, Andy realized this true calling.

The following day, Andy had cancelled his application to the state’s top Science University and had decided to use the money to open up his own business. Andy now has his sights set on opening up his very own adult video store. “The Porn Guy’s Treasure Chest of Smutty Goodness” will be opening its first branch in March of next year.

Sometimes life makes unexpected detours into desperation before one discovers his path. Andy can not be any happier now.

Adult Videos Destroy Communication Gap

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

With the Internet widely responsible for bringing the entire world together in one global community, at least one person believes that much of the credit belongs to adult videos. Adam Hughes is that person. Hughes is what many refer to as a “full time activist”. Friends and acquaintances verify that since Hughes has been in college, he has been switching from cause to cause on a monthly basis. His latest project is to further “porn rights”.

A product of an affluent family, Hughes has dedicated all his time to getting porn recognized as the new universal language. Hughes says that this breakthrough dawned upon him after a quiet night of downloading videos. “I noticed that while certain movies are getting adequate hits, it’s only the porn ones that are taking up the majority. From nearly all countries, too! In a time like this, don’t we all need a unifying factor more than ever?”

Hughes has attempted to spread his message through various means. He has been lobbying “porn rights” in many campus meetings and organizations and has tried to earn the support of many organizations. Sadly, he has yet to find an individual who shares his vision. “It’s that sort of narrow-mindedness that keeps our world in a state of division. If everyone would just forget looking at the superficial and get right into the essence of porn, then they’ll understand what I mean.”

Hughes has even tried holding a seminar for his cause. The original program included him showing a few porn movies and then he would speak about the unifying impact of porn. This plan backfired, though, as people started leaving after they have relieved themselves during the film showing. “I find what happened that day extremely repulsive. But I will not give up. Porn deserves recognition. I’m not stopping until this matter has been looked at by the United Nations itself!”

What’s surprising about all of this is that people within the porn industry seems to refuse to take Hughes seriously. A representative from a well known porn production company shared his company’s stand on “porn rights” and Mr. Hughes. “The porn industry already has low credibility. We believe collaborating with Mr. Hughes would only serve to hurt that credibility even more. However, we do wish Mr. Hughes the best of luck with his quest.”

It has not been confirmed if Hughes has spoken to any of the people from the United Nations.

Adult Video Sites Assemble!

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

Amateur Adult Videos In The Form Of Superhero Sex Tapes?

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

The Justice League, the Avengers, the X-Men, Spiderman, Daredevil, The Hulk, all big names in mainstream pop culture as the top icons to ever spring forth from the comic book medium. They have faced many threats, but it is seldom, that these heroes are portrayed in a less than glamorous spotlight. It is rare that these revered icons are ever presented in lewd manner. This article dares to ask the question, what sort of amateur adult videos would we find our favorite superheroes in?

The X-Men are a group of heroes comprised of mutants that are shunned by humanity for being different. They are so outcast that one man decided to build a school exclusively for these genetically gifted and cursed beings. It would be most appropriate if they are presented in the same manner as those teacher student porn scenes. But with powers, of course. Would Beast cough up a fur ball as he goes down on an up and coming female mutant? Does Gambit ever accidentally charge up his condom?

The DC Universe is full of superheroes with young teen sidekicks. Everyone knows Batman and Robin have endured so many jokes questioning their relationship and sexuality, to the point that Batman had to get himself a son, who eventually turned into the latest Robin. Touching upon that subject would be beating a dead and buried horse. But what about the Leaguers who do not have any sidekicks to begin with? Does Green Lantern use his ring to conjure up sex toys? What sexually charged form will the Martian Manhunter change into while in the throws of passion?

Comics just doesn’t deal with issues like that, which is really weird. Everyone has always been wondering, form the moment they hooked up way back during the first coming of Galactus, about how the Thing and Alicia Masters ever do it. Even the Human Torch raised that same question. Or if The Hulk, during the times when he had the big green body yet the very smart brain of Banner, how does he deal with sexual urges, In the movie, it was shown that every time he gets aroused he could turn in the rampaging jade giant. Does the Hulk masturbate?

Writers have exerted a ton of effort over the decades to flesh out these superheroes to the point that their characteristics are as diverse as the people ou would find around you. And since there are different strokes for different folks, what kinds of strokes are for these superhuman folks? We may never know. Until then, these leotard clad beings’ sex lives are private.

Adult Video On Demand Thwarts Assault

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

(Note: The names of the people involved in this story have been changed in order to protect their privacy.) Everybody has had to deal with an overprotective brother when trying to date a girl. Twenty three year old Jeremy barely survived an epic ass kicking from the borderline insane sibling of the girl he loves. He would have been lying in a hospital now, in a coma, had it not been for some adult video on demand.

Jeremy met Clarisse in school that semester, and they got along perfectly. Jeremy knew that there was no other person in the world for him, and he worked up the courage to ask her out on a date. Jeremy, unfortunately, was one of the rare people who knew why Clarisse, an attractive and smart twenty two year old girl had remained single all her life. Her brother Beau, a huge guy with a very short fuse, had driven away any boy who has ever dared to ask Clarisse out, sometimes in a violent fashion. Jeremy nearly found that fact out first hand, had it not been for a very familiar common interest.

Beau it turned out was a very big fan of adult websites and frequented them as often as possible. Though he never really could afford membership and his parents, what with their iron clad morals, would disown him if they discovered that their baby boy had discovered such worldly pursuits. Jeremy, on the other hand, was not a big fan of these adult websites, but he was a huge computer whiz.

Upon learning of his supposed significant other’s rather porn inclined sibling, Jeremy decided to spring into action. He was cracking codes and downloading passwords and doing what hackers do best. While Jeremy was totally against such a course of action, for him, there seemed to be no other option left. The moment was at hand.

He knocked on his lady love’s door, and surely enough, Beau opened and stood by the doorway, fists clenched and ready to rumble. With a shaking hand, he gave the ape like brother a piece of paper, containing usernames and passwords to tall his favorite porn sites. Beau’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

It’s been several months now, and Beau and Jeremy had gotten to be good friends, and Jeremy’s relationship with Clarisse is heading into the right direction. The moral of the story, you ask? Never underestimate the uniting powers of porn.

Found Vintage Adult Videos Up for Grabs!

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

A few months ago, a wealthy resident from Beverly Hills made some rather unwise investments around the time the stock market crashed. The result of which was a repossession of all his earthly belongings. The resident, who will remain anonymous for propriety’s sake, was unable to reclaim his property as his last ditch attempt to score big with other investments failed. Because of this, everything he owned is now currently up for auction.

Now, this tale is a fairly common one especially during such a sad time in global economy. What makes this story interesting is the resident himself, who along with his other stuff, lost a very valuable collection.

It turns out the man is somewhat of a connoisseur of adult videos. His collection of classic and hard to find cult favorite porn titles is so vast that the bank is holding a very special auction for these movies. These films come in a variety of formats, from 16 and 8 mm reels to betamax, VHS tapes, and several laser disc copies.

The selection includes classics like the first release of Debbie Does Dallas and other classic porn, as well as first appearances of famous porn stars like Tera Patrick, Peter North, Jesse Jane, Tracy Lords, Ron Jeremy and many other legends in the industry.

The collection also spans the globe as well as genres. He has the best porn from every country and every niche ever made. This treasure chest of smut features everything from hardcore, softcore, all the way to gay porn and bondage.

The true gems of this impressive collection are the 8 mm and 16 mm tape reels that feature truly vintage adult films that were made in the 60s and earlier. When asked to comment about his collection, the resident seemed forlorn about losing a library that he had worked so hard to assemble. “People would call me a pervert just because I collect these” he said. “I just find it very amusing, and worth collecting. I’ve often been fascinated by porn, and I think of porn as a reflection of society, or the society it was forged from.”

“Watch the really old ones, you’d see girls parading around in their granny panties. Watch the Japanese porn tapes I have, and see how different their porn is compared to their Western counterparts. Porn is not just for perverse purpose.”

It is reported that a portion of the proceeds from the auction will go to the Foundation Against Sex Addicts.



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