Posts Tagged ‘adult film’

Porn Search Academy’s Doors Open Up

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

The Porn Search Academy is opening up its gates to everyone aspiring to be a part of the growing world of the adult film industry. Through the PSA, students will learn about the ins and outs of the beloved industry and gain useful insight in all of the aspects of porn film production. With academy comprising of the most gifted members of the adult film industry, students are definitely ensured of a bright future in perhaps one of the most alluring and provocative media of entertainment known to man.

For aspiring performers, there are highly intensive acting workshops available to suit the various levels of acting necessary to make it and take it in porn. From basic acting to a full blown course on how to properly react when being gang banged by four or more guys, the PSA promises that students will graduate fully equipped to handle the pressure of appearing on camera. For those who are more inclined to peek behind the curtain and unravel the secrets behind porn movie magic, a competitive porn filmmaking course is offered. Students will get the best technical and aesthetic education about making an effective porn movie, using only the top of the line porn making equipment. For the natural storyteller, a porn screenwriting workshop is offered, with the students’ scripts having a realistic chance to be produced into an actual movie. Learn to weave intricate tales and create larger than life yet still relatable characters who spout off witty banter from the top writers in the business.

For the entrepreneurial soul, a crash course of adult film production is offered. Be a big shot producer and learn how to work the typical porn film budget, acquire locations and audition talent. Other minor courses include porn lighting, porn art direction, porn FX and sound design and basic sex toy troubleshooting. Develop all the special skills necessary to carve your own path in the world of adult film!

“The world of film is not unlike the rest of the real world” said PSA founder Mark Jizzon. “A good education and a complete and thorough training will always give an individual a clear advantage over the rest of his or her peers. We at the PSA believe that only through our rigid training would better help aspiring porn people have that edge over the very stiff competition. Our students can definitely stick it to their rivals.”

Tragedy Strikes As Porn Download Goes Awry

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

A local computer shop nearly went under due to a porn download that quickly went south. Rob, one of the technicians on the shop, apparently got bored with his designated station in life that he decided to spice things up and use the shop’s resources to download a few adult videos. Since the shop owner and manager of the store, Garrison Lance, was completely ignorant about all things computer-related with the glaring exception of how to sell them, Rob was pretty much in the clear.

Downloading porn had become somewhat of a habit for Rob. He’d come in and wait for his boss to grab lunch. He then hit the net and fill his download queue with his favorite adult films. Since his boss always asks Rob to go on overtime, (something that Rob has truly come to despise) Rob had an opportunity to take the finished downloads and copy them to his own personal disk. Rob’s passive aggressive brand of rebellion has gone on for weeks. Rob was beginning to get drunk on his own power. He felt he was untouchable, and he took up the shenanigans another notch. With his own personal hard drive getting full of porn, he had to stash the new downloads somewhere until he managed to come up with enough money to buy a new hard rive with bigger memory. For all of Rob’s shortcomings, he had been very adamant against theft, so the thought of just stealing a hard drive from a computer shop that gets more than its fair share of shoplifters never occurred to him. He did not, however, have any qualms about “borrowing” items.

In the backroom of the store lay a box of hard disk drives that had been sitting there for months. Any hope that these items would be sold had long ago been destroyed. So Rob, trusted employee that he is, decided to store an adult movie or two in each of the drives, secure in the knowledge that nothing would ever happen.

As Rob was on his day off, Mr. Lance had a very novel idea to save the store form dwindling sales. The store had a very special sale wherein anyone who buys a computer gets a brand new free extra hard disk drive. Needless to say all of Rob’s secret stash had been disposed. Once Rob came back to work and discovered what happened, he nearly had a panic attack, but decided to remain silent. He thought that the people would not mind getting a free porn movie with their purchase.

He was right, or course. People did not mind the porn. What they did mind was purchasing something that was advertised as “new” only to find out that it was not the case. Rob is now unemployed and facing legal action.

Teen Pornstar In A Public Row In Burger Joint

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

A quiet local burger joint was terrorized by the display of dramatics by a teen pornstar and her extremely jealous boyfriend yesterday in Fresno. The supposed loving couple went in and had themselves a quick meal when all of a sudden a veritable war was waged over their grease-filled dinner.

The argument started when the lovely adult film star started an innocent flirtation with the waiter, who was an underaged pimple-faced high school student. The boyfriend did not take kindly to the suggestive manner his girl had asked for a milkshake. The rather promiscuous young woman then followed it up by asking the waiter what he thought about her “milkshake” and if it indeed does “bring all the boys to the yard”. This did not sit well with the boyfriend, who verbally assaulted the already speechless waiter mercilessly. One could only expect spit burgers in the boyfriend’s immediate future. After successfully shooing away the waiter, the irate boyfriend turn his attention to the teen starlet. He was demanding an explanation as to why she “always had to flirt with someone who had something remotely resembling a cock”.

The young woman was aghast and apologetic, stating that the nature of her occupation did not afford her many other methods of interacting with the opposite sex. She mentioned that he should just accept that and move on, that he should just take her as she truly was or find someone else. These well intentioned but short sighted comments made matters worse. The boyfriend went on a tirade as to how one must make sacrifices and adjustments to make a relationship work. H delivered this argument with an increasing volume. It wasn’t long until the people in the diner were taking significant notice to the couple’s spat.

When the manager politely approached them about potentially ruining the other customers’ dining experience, he was greeted with a chorus of middle fingers ad carefully worded insults from the couple, each with a colorful remark that the manager will never forget for a long time. The manager then summoned security, one big guy named Rudy, to escort the couple out of the premises. The couple showed the same amount of disrespect to the security officer, pointing out hat he “looked like a constipated ape” in his uniform. The couple were so into it that their words have managed to reduce the manager, the guard, and a few other customers who had tried to join the fray to tears.

The couple had made up afterwards, but the incident will never be forgotten by everyone in attendance.

The Annual Bizarre Awards from You Porn

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

You Porn is planning to pave the way towards the complete recognition of the most bizarre porn videos online! The popular site is getting ready to have an awards show to reward those who have contributed in the slow moral decay of society. The awards show is still in the developmental stages, but fans are already showing a positive reaction about the proposed awards.

“It’s high time that everyone know how important these porn videos are in our lives” chimed in a loyal fan of bizarre porn. “Notice how the two girls one cup video earned its rightful place in mainstream media? Bizarre porn videos are ingrained in the minds of every true porn fanatic. It’s everyone’s guilty pleasure. We all want to go and see the weirdest shit they could wrap their minds around of. This would be a true tribute to everyone who really loves the art of porn.”

Regarding the criteria for judging which bizarre videos are a cut above the rest of the materials available on the ‘net, we sought the opinion of one porn veteran who also anxiously awaits the awards show. ”I think the one that carries with it the most potential for psychologically damaging the viewer enough that his or her everyday living is forever altered. It’s all about impact. If it doesn’t drive you crazy, it’s mostly not even bizarre enough to warrant attention. A truly bizarre video grabs everyone’s attention like a kick in the balls.”

The event is rumored to star former adult film star turned b-movie actress Tracy Lords. There will be several guests throughout the show, and the guest list is reportedly as bizarre as the nominated videos themselves. From Carrot Top to Ben Affleck, the guest list reads like a who’s who of the most unrelated people ever assembled in one space. The you porn Bizarre porn Awards night promises to be a three hour mind fuck that everyone would definitely enjoy. Another fan offered his insight. “I believe it’s going to be the best night in the history of the porn industry. When regular porn came out, everyone viewed it as outlandish and wild, bizarre even. But, now, it’s all considered the norm. Bizarre porn videos are the future of the entire industry, so I’m glad that these videos that are mostly known for novelty are getting something more. They will open up nothing but good things for the entire porn industry.”

The Next Big Upheaval in My World and My Porn

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

My name is Earnest, and I have a weird relationship with my porn. Let me start off by establishing that I am not a pervert. I enjoy porn in what I believe to be the adequate amount people should be enjoying porn. But, my porn collection has taken a life of its own, and my perception of that box of DVDs in the closet has changed forever.

I just turned thirty last week. While other people my age have mostly either celebrated or mourned their thirtieth day of birth with important loved ones, I went another direction. I broke convention, opting to stay in my apartment, alone, with nothing but the sounds of the city to accompany me. The perils of dating, falling in love with, and getting dumped by a porn star I guess.

She was an aspiring actress trying to make it big, and I was a guy that was too stupid to get out of the way. I met her during one of my early attempts at amateur adult film making. The moment she walked into my “studio”, which just happens to be my empty apartment, I knew there was something special about her. She was different from the other girls who just wanted to score some blow money. She was one of those girls who you knew for a fact was destined to shine brighter than the rest of us. She had a little Hepburn in her, and even while I was shooting her doing a lesbian sex scene with some crack whore I couldn’t even remember, her image never diminished in my mind.

We lived together for five years. Those were the good years. Of course, I still kept making her movies. But I never let another man touch her. I wanted to contain her in my world, and tried my best to replicate a glamorous life that she so richly deserved. But my meager efforts failed to provide her that.

So I sit now, debating internally as to whether or not I should watch that box full of porn or just throw it all away. The day she walked out on me for greener pastures I wanted to burn all those videos of her, but I couldn’t bring myself to. It remains my only connection to her. I keep freezing to the shot of her staring deep into my camera, with her Hepburn like eyes, speaking to me more than her mouth ever did.

“My Porn Rants” from Disgruntled Director

Sunday, December 20th, 2009

My porn is this, my porn is that. These are the familiar words that usually echo through the walls of the insane asylum in Denver. These words are screamed on a regular basis by one Desmond Buddy, a former small time porn director. Buddy’s story is a tale of ambition and how it drives most men mad.

Buddy was born and raised in Denver, Colorado. Ever since discovering the world of adult films in his teen years, Buddy knew exactly what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He wanted above everything else to be able to direct porn movies for a living. Upon graduating high school, he hopped on a bus and headed to Los Angeles. With no formal education on film making, Buddy spent most of his days working as a waiter while reading film books in his free time. After saving enough money, he purchased his very first video camera. With the camera he made his very first porn movie, starring an aspiring actor and a prostitute.

He has done practice movies until he had assembled a demo reel impressive enough to land him an assistant director’s job at a small porn production company. Buddy worked hard at perfecting his craft. It wasn’t very long until he finally had his shot at his dream.

Once being given access to the director’s chair, Buddy set out to create a true, porn masterpiece. His film was supposed to be a porn movie set in the Victorian era, and Buddy did the best job he could with a meager budget. After production has wrapped, Buddy was only looking forward to a few days of post-production. He opted to edit his first film himself, and he wanted complete privacy.

Unfortunately, the film never saw the light of day. Buddy had reportedly snapped after viewing the first cut of the film. He was found by his assistant muttering about the world ending due to the movie he has made. Buddy was so scared that he had frantically deleted all the first cut files and destroyed all footage of the film. The obviously deranged director was taken into a mental institution soon after.

No one has ever been able to find out what was it about Buddy’s movie that drove the director to insanity. Interviews with Buddy have yielded nothing. Doctors say that Buddy has little hope of ever recovering.

Chaos Ensues Thanks To Adult Movie Fanatic

Friday, December 18th, 2009

The serene and solemn setting of a Sunday morning in church was broken by an adult movie fan who found it appropriate to argue with the priest regarding the validity of adult movies. The sermon centered about lust and touched on pornography, and the fan did not take the “offensive nature” of the priest’s homily kindly. The man, a 32-year old college professor named Bobby Lester, went on a tirade unseen before in the history of the church.

The incident began when the priest centered on adult films and the people who watched it. Lester, an avid follwer of the medium felt that the priest was being unnecessarily condescending towards the people who enjoy watching films of adult content. Lester brazenly stood up from the pew and decided questioning the priest’s sermon. The priest, of course, stood by his convictions and defended his stand against the irate Lester.

It did not take long before the two’s interaction caused a reaction among the other church goers. A massive debate has been ignited within minutes. The church was divided into three groups. On one side there were those who felt that the priest was being too harsh on the porn viewing community. On the other side were people who believed that Lester was way out of line in his decision to causing a scene in church. The rest of the people were on another side, with their camera phones out, taking videos of this rare event.

No one knew who threw the first punch. What began as a heated discussion between two individuals with opposing beliefs evolved in a brawl that saw Lester and the priest held by the authorities for interrogation. The police that arrived on the scene at first did not know how to diffuse the situation. Seeing a priest pounding Lester into brutal submission did not help matters either. A riot squad has been alerted, and the church goers dispersed. The scene was quite similar to an illegal street party crashed by the police. People scurried into their cars and drove away as fast as they could. Only Lester and the priest wer left. Both had sustained several minor injuries like cuts and bruises.

According to the reports, Lester has been officially banned from that particular church, while the priest was forgiven by his sect. The religious group even applauded the priest for defending he purity of his beliefs.

Producers Want To Make Sci-Fi P o r n

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

P o r n has taken several forms ever since its inception. The more creative producers have done parodies of popular films. The result of which usually is entertaining and at times downright hilarious (intentional or not). However, no one has ever successfully been able to produce an adult film that ventures out of its usual genre while still retaining the basic porn elements. That is what a small contingent of science fiction and fantasy fans intend to do within the next few months. These guys are going to produce a high quality science fiction p o r n flick.

Based in California, the group refers to themselves as the Creative Storm Troopers. The group has been formed by three young film enthusiasts who have met in a sci-fi/fantasy online forum. They joked around at first about producing a p o r n with an original science fiction plot, which led them to seriously considering the idea.

They all agreed to meet in Los Angeles and after a massive brainstorming session, the Angel City trilogy was born. These movies would tell the story of the residents of a city torn apart due to post-apocalyptic turmoil. The earth, scorched and nearly drained of resources, has been reduced to a place where survival is to be attained. Ruled by an evil dictator, the planet’s most powerful city continues to cause worldwide damage that would led into global chaos and destruction. Angel City is shows seven gifted individuals who need to band together and overthrow this ruler and save the world.

The story is loosely inspired from various influences like the “Lord of The Rings” movies, the “Heroes” television series, and several comic books. The three films would have a different director each and all the members of the Troopers would be collaborating on the screenplays. They are currently trying to raise funding for the movie, a process that they report happily is going well. There seems to be a lot of people who are interested in supporting the Storm Troopers’ project.

This begs the question of p o r n. With a seemingly solid concept, the need to add porn scenes seems gratuitous. The Troopers insist that what they are doing is revolutionary. According to one, “It has never been done before, at least not on the scale that we’re planning. The realm of science fiction and fantasy have always had a strong element of sexuality within them, and we want to make the sex scenes as real as possible.”

Former Adult Film Star Claims There Are Better Things Than Porn and Sex

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

Despite making a decent living out of porn and sex, retired porn actor Drew Morrison believes that both things are not as good as most people think. With a handful of lesser known porn credits under his name, Morrison states that he knows what he’s talking about.

“I know that there are a lot of people who’s going to come after me for saying that, but believe it or not, I have always thought of it that way.” What Morrison is alluding to is when he was forcibly removed from the porn industry due to failure to “perform”. The former star has been known to have moments when he would not be able to “rise up and fulfill his duty”. Morrison’s medical reports show that there is nothing wrong with him, confirming that the dysfunction came from psychological factors. He retired at the young age of 26.

“I just couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it the way others do” revealed the young man. “Maybe I’m just wired differently compared to other guys. I believe there are more satisfying things in the world than fucking.” When asked about Morrison’s list of other activities that are better than sex, his eyes lit up. “A perfect, warm dinner. That’s something that’s hard to top. A cup of hot chocolate during a cold night. Watching a really good movie. I could actually go all day just telling you about things that I think are better than porn or sex.”

Morrison is currently in a serious relationship with the local librarian who he met shortly ater Morrison retired from porn. He had spent a lot of time reading after retiring, and Morrison claims that the librarian helped him a lot in choosing the books that helped him the most. The librarian, who refused to give her identity, reveals that Morrison still does enjoy engaging in sexual activities. “It’s because I like being intimate with the woman I love” Morrison responds.

“I’m not just fulfilling some selfish physical need, I’m bonding with the soul of my mate. It’s different.” While a lot of Morrison’s friends poke fun at his newfound ascension in terms of wisdom, he doesn’t mind. ”I hear a lot of the guys joking about how I’ve been watching too many Molly Ringwald movies and shit like that. But I know deep down, they want to be this free.”

Big Budget Adult Sex Videos About To be Launched

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

Glenn Jacobs is a believer in the power of money. Jacobs firmly believes that the more money you have,
the more you can accomplish. Jacobs, by far, is not a materialistic person. He just wants to stay on the practical side of things. So when Jacobs sees the dismal state of the majority of adult sex videos out in the market today, he decided to do something about it.

Jacobs is a retired businessman who has secretly funded many Hollywood blockbusters. He decided to work his magic on a porn project that he promises would take the porn industry to a whole new level. “The porn movies I see today fail at even getting me aroused because of the really bad quality. True, when you have a hot woman working in front of the camera, it captures your attention. But I’m the type of guy who needs more. I envision myself as a perfectionist, and I recognize my own limitations. I know for a fact that even with the money, I will not be able to score a woman the hotness level of an adult film star. That’s the reason why when I watch an adult video, I want it to be larger than life. I want it to truly display my deepest fantasies.”

Jacobs will be pursuing a producer position for this project. “I want a porn movie that has all the elements of a major Hollywood production; the same level of quality and production value; but with really hot sex scenes. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

Pursuing this project has now consumed all of Jacobs’ time. He has been constantly on the phone trying to get people on board the project, and wants nothing less than the top names in the film industry working on it. “I’m still waiting for call backs from certain people. I’m just getting frustrated that many of these so-called artists refuse to share my vision. I can match the offers that Spielberg is getting, but there are just way too many pretentious pricks out there. In fact, I’ve had many interested parties already, some of the biggest names in the business, but I wont allow them to use a pseudonym. I’d like to believe I’m also paying for the name.”

Jacobs vows to not stop until he produces what he describes as the biggest porn project in the history of man.



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