The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

Stealing is not a new problem. In fact, the act of stealing has both been condemned and glorified by the media and the general populace in different points in time. Pirates are generally viewed as vile, evil people. That is, until Johnny Depp puts on the frilly outfit and talks like a certain Rolling Stone bassist.

Thieves are often considered to be scum. With the sheer exception of Danny Ocean and his eleven other cohorts, all of whom took part in the ruining a devious casino owner. And all because the casino owner banged Ocean’s squeeze. Yes, the world has suffered enough atrocities from pirates both real and fictional, and from in and out of cyberspace. Now, the fee porn industry has been feeling its effects.

Being a business that survives on the promise of providing exclusive porn content for a very reasonable fee, the owners of these websites mostly no longer have a firm sense of “exclusivity”. With more and more technologically savvy individuals born everyday, the market has not only experienced an increase in the demand curve, but also suffered the effects of being cheated over. Streaming videos, downloads, and all other sites that feature previews of the supposed exclusive content are acceptable. But there have been more than several cases where there has been illegal distribution of the material. Like in other media, pirates steal life-giving revenue away from the porn producers, thereby endangering the entire industry. Who can imagine a world where there is no constant update of porn? While it’s arguable that the amount of porn that already exists would be enough to appease the general populace for a few more years, knowing that there is a possibility that the porn supply would inevitably diminish is frightening.

So now comes the question, how do we stop this sordid abuse on our beloved porn? What is the fitting punishment for those who endanger the very industry that has seen most of us through the darkest periods of our lives. Is death enough? Or is it too merciful? We should ask ourselves what sort of possessive evil would it take to make a man take from the world one of its sheer wonders? What punishment would fit a man who would deprive future generations of the joy of porn?

Think about it. They must all perish.

Life is complicated. With the numerous schools of thought designed to make life simpler than it actually is, one philosophy embraces the fulfillment of one’s basic needs to achieve that goal. One can actually follow the lessons of pay per minute porn and apply it to one’s way of life. Indeed, it is an unorthodox medium from which to derive any form of improvement, but this does make sense. For a man who wishes to lead a simple life, one must choose to do things in the simplest way possible.

This pay per minute programs work by using the best form of minimalism available. A person who wishes to indulge in the joys of pornographic materials no longer needs to spend more than what he or she is actually using. The cost of enjoyment is only equal to the actual amount of enjoyment patronized.

By the same token, life can be lived in such a manner. By focusing on the needs more than the wants, and maintaining a sense of contentment through the achievement of one’s basic goals, the quality of one’s life would be greatly improved. It is existentialist in principle. If essence comes after existence, and one would not devote one’s self to a misleading sense of purpose, the chance of disappointment or dissonance is greatly decreased.

To expect nothing more of life than what is initially agreed upon, or determined by the person in control of his own life, one will always achieve what is expected. There is a correlation between what one hopes to happen and what one considers to be inevitable. A mere lessening of the hope factor and further analysis of the inevitable would yield only satisfactory results. If one chooses to eliminate extremes and over abundance, one is able to live within the sphere of one’s own control.

Of course, opposing opinions would point out the diminishing of the human potential. When a person abandons any ambition to achieve the unthinkable progress of not only the individual but society in general would be hindered. Alas, that is where valuing comes to play. Determine what is truly important, and focus on maintaining the achievement of merely the vital parts of one’s existence. Like porn that you pay for by the minute, there would be a great reduction of the unnecessary, in essence giving the doer a clear cut sense of direction and purpose.

Back in the Eighties and early Nineties, guys giving out mix tapes to their girlfriends are all the rage. Some of the cheesier individuals still practice the seemingly archaic mating ritual. Nowadays people would burn a CD or even just exchange songs from their iPods. A lot of A-listers smooth things over with their significant others by giving each other DVD’s of their adult sex videos.

It has become common practice for couples to videotape themselves during coitus. This is one of the biggest benefits that came with the advancements of home video technology. And now that the reproduction of said videos is as easy as making them, many people have used their computers to edit their most intimate moments and turn them into an ideal anniversary gift. One B-level celebrity, who had requested anonymity, revealed this new gift giving idea. “It’s a great way to celebrate your love and affection for each other. Those are your private moments. It’s the one thing that only you and he can have, so why not immortalize it in video? Making a porn mix tape is just a splendid way of recounting all the good and bad times.”

The news of this recent discovery created a bit of a stir. Entertainment journalists now got their game faces on and their panties in a twist rabidly searching for any wayward sex videos they could get their hands on. “I don’t doubt for a second that those leeches can manage to get their hands on something that personal” commented an anonymous celebrity. “But I do hope they refrain from invading people’s privacy. Respect from the paparazzi is something that no amount of appeal to their sense of decency would bring about, but one can hope. I mean, these mix tapes aren’t your run of the mill sex videos, you know. These are two people celebrating their love, albeit in a non-conventional way.”

When asked about the most famous couples that she knows for a fact give each other these types of videos, the anonymous celebrity just cracked a smile.” Honey, you really have no idea, do you? Everyone does it! I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone who has access to equipment neglect to do it. What’s the point, right? It’s like having a webcam chat and you’re not naked.”

It’s a classic story about the relationship between a man and his pet. Luke had had his pet hamster for several years before he discovered that his beloved pet can download porn videos. The hamster named Nicole has been extraordinarily special in Luke’s eyes, but he had no idea how special until the hamster was left free in front of Luke’s computer.

Luke had come from a party and had more than a few drinks in his system when he took out Nicole to play with. He passed out, and the hamster who had spent a long time watching her master download porn, sprung into action. The animal had instinctively developed the ability to find and download adult videos from Luke’s favorite sites. It’s like a sicker version of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

“Imagine my surprise when I woke up and saw my download queue was full of adult movies” said an astonished Luke. “I initially assumed that I was entirely too drunk to remember that I downloaded the movies. But when I checked the time the download started, I saw that it was well beyond the time I was sure I was unconscious. The only logical conclusion was Nicole.”

Luke put his theory to the test however, putting the animal in front of the computer and waited. After dilly dallying for a few seconds, the hamster crawled over the keyboard and moved the mouse immediately to open the porn sites that Luke frequented. Luke felt his knees tremble at the sight of his pet quickly and accurately processing downloads for him.

“It’s just a shame that I’m not able to make money off this discovery. After all, the only thing that this says to the world is that I download so much porn that my pet had actually adapted the skill to do so.”

A lot of the luminaries in the field of animal behavior tend to disagree with Luke’s previous statement. Noted animal psychologist Dr. Erving Nuts in particular would love to examine Nicole’s behavior. ”Regardless of what the owner has been preoccupied with that led to Nicole’s amazing discovery, this is definitely an amazing breakthrough. Imagine what the government can do with hyper-intelligent hamsters that could operate machinery as complex as computers. Imagine what else we could possibly teach these creatures? We could even send them into space!”

Currently, Luke has not yet answered any invitation from Dr. Nuts to examine his furry friend.

My name is Earnest, and I have a weird relationship with my porn. Let me start off by establishing that I am not a pervert. I enjoy porn in what I believe to be the adequate amount people should be enjoying porn. But, my porn collection has taken a life of its own, and my perception of that box of DVDs in the closet has changed forever.

I just turned thirty last week. While other people my age have mostly either celebrated or mourned their thirtieth day of birth with important loved ones, I went another direction. I broke convention, opting to stay in my apartment, alone, with nothing but the sounds of the city to accompany me. The perils of dating, falling in love with, and getting dumped by a porn star I guess.

She was an aspiring actress trying to make it big, and I was a guy that was too stupid to get out of the way. I met her during one of my early attempts at amateur adult film making. The moment she walked into my “studio”, which just happens to be my empty apartment, I knew there was something special about her. She was different from the other girls who just wanted to score some blow money. She was one of those girls who you knew for a fact was destined to shine brighter than the rest of us. She had a little Hepburn in her, and even while I was shooting her doing a lesbian sex scene with some crack whore I couldn’t even remember, her image never diminished in my mind.

We lived together for five years. Those were the good years. Of course, I still kept making her movies. But I never let another man touch her. I wanted to contain her in my world, and tried my best to replicate a glamorous life that she so richly deserved. But my meager efforts failed to provide her that.

So I sit now, debating internally as to whether or not I should watch that box full of porn or just throw it all away. The day she walked out on me for greener pastures I wanted to burn all those videos of her, but I couldn’t bring myself to. It remains my only connection to her. I keep freezing to the shot of her staring deep into my camera, with her Hepburn like eyes, speaking to me more than her mouth ever did.

While it is a generally accepted fact that people watch porn for the sex scenes, there is something that distinguishes which videos are distinctly better than the other. An anonymous porn expert declared that the secret to the best sex videos not just lie in the sex scenes and performers, but actually in how interesting the dialogue is. Such a statement has then evolved into a frequently discussed topic, and up until now, the debate rages on.

“It does have some bearing to it” said media analyst Charles Wang. “While visual stimuli do carry most of the impact to the recipient, it is the auditory stimuli that stick to one’s mind. That is why pop songs tend to get stuck in a person’s head regardless of an individual’s musical preference. And theaters and home theater system always boast superior sound systems as their selling point. It is what we hear that completes the experience, otherwise it would no longer be an audiovisual medium. Would you, in all honesty, enjoy a soundless porn movie? It’s doubtful. I know I won’t.”

Despite not being known for a medium with a glaring affinity for the written word, the porn medium does manage to come out with dialogue that is sufficient to achieve its intended purpose. “”Notice how every one has a favorite movie quote?” asked fight choreographer and film buff Enrique San Juan. “Dialogue from movies, porn or not, is exactly what you want to say whenever you’re faced in the situation. If I’m ever put in a typical porn situation, I can only hope that what comes out of my mouth is half as cool as what the actors say.”

If this is true, then how come no one can ever remember a line from any porn movie when asked to recite one? This is the main question that is raised by those who oppose this stand. These “purists” as they prefer to be called are against the new mentality of porn being described in the same breath as mainstream movies.

Whether or not dialogue is a truly pivotal aspect in the quality of adult videos, the fact that it is heavily discussed bodes well for the entire industry. With ideas such as these brewing, future generations can rest assured with the knowledge that the creative blood of porn will continue to flow.

A local Canadian celebrity who has been suffering from obscurity is about to make a huge debut on amateur pay per view porn. Trent Luborsky is a teen actor from the early Nineties whose name is mentioned in the same breath as such luminaries like Corey Haim, Pauly Shore and many others. He was made popular in a Canadian sitcom “What’s Up, Eh?” before melting the hearts of many Canadian teens in his role in the teen drama series “Manitoba Dreams”. It was playing the role of Casey, a rebellious teen with great hair and trademark acid washed jeans, that propelled Trent it local super-stardom.

However, as is the case with most young stars, life in the fast lane was too much for Trent. After riding the wave of massive local popularity, Trent was not able to transition into other roles once the show was canceled. This caused Trent severe depression, which he tried to fight using the wrong methods. Within two years after “Manitoba Dreams” was canceled, Trent had officially hit rock bottom.

Now, nearly twenty years after his career was nearly flushed down the toilet, Trent has found a way to get himself in the spotlight once more. He is now promoting an adult sex video which he would only put up on the Internet on pay per view. Trent believes that this will be the ultimate tribute to his loyal fans.

The movie is called “Manitoba Screams”, which will feature the failed actor once again in his trademark jeans. Of course, it would be a safe assumption that Trent will not be wearing those jeans for the majority of the movie.

“This is my way of giving back to my fans” said the actor who was questionably sober. “This movie will feature me showing a side of myself that I never got to show while I was on TV. Except maybe to the handful of extras and make up artists that I’ve banged on the set.”

As an added treat to fans of the locally syndicated show, Trent claims that there will be more than a few surprise cameos from the original cast of the once beloved show. “Yup, this one’s for all those loyal fans who never forgot how awesome it was back in the nineties! TV shows today just suck, eh?

With so many available distractions on the Web, producers of online porn movies are trying to come up with ways to compete. There have been plans to reinvigorate the online porn industry, and at the forefront is the making of interactive porn movies. These would allow viewers to truly feel part of the action. To make this possible, a brand new software is being launched that would give the viewer total control of all the porn action they wish to participate in.

This software is strictly top secret for the time being, but the developers promise that it will not only change the way porn is watched, but also the way porn is viewed. Ivan Jericho, one of the leading developers in Zeotrope X Interactive, offers some inside information. “This works by capturing the performers in various angles, allowing the viewer to freely navigate the entire area to get whichever view they want to see. It would be the same thing like those instant replays from sports video games. Know you could edit out angles and roam freely while your player shoots a basket or something? We’re trying to incorporate that into the porn videos.”

If done successfully, no longer will masturbating porn viewers have to worry about cumming during inopportune times. Many people suffer from unsatisfactory self indulgence over porn because several times, they will climax just when the shot shows a close up of a guy’s grimacing countenance. With this technology, that fear will no longer exist, and immediately the programmers hope that this would increase the popularity of porn movies once more.

Another feature the software would enable is the combination of several niches into one video. This is beyond mere video editing. The developers are calling this the “god mode”, and will give viewers the opportunity to literally dictate and control every aspect of the porn movie. “Let’s say you like one scene from a particular porn star and another scene from a different movie but you wish she would do it with a co-star from yet another different movie. The god mode allows you to combine those things to fully customize a porn video to your own tastes.”

The software is still in development, but initial surveys indicate that the entire porn watching world is holding its breath for the software’s much anticipated release. There is no doubt that if done successfully, the software would change online porn movies forever.

Two recently released blockbusters are greatly affecting the way live porn is now being produced. With the popularity of the movie “Paranormal Activity”, there have been many who have attempted to emulate its very realistic style. The Twilight franchise, with its recent release “New Moon”, has made everyone undergo a vampire craze not seen since “Interview with a Vampire” hit theaters.

A small yet ambitious production outfit are putting these two supernatural themes together. They also mix it up with hardcore sex scenes to create a realistic vampire themed porn movie entitled “Paranormal Activities During Twilight”.

The story is about a young woman who has an obsession with video recording every moment in her life. These videos document the very boring life in the small town she resides in. She is a girl with big ideas and a big heart, both of which she feels are diminishing due to a less than colorful existence. In comes a roving vampire, who at first tries to drain her of her blood, but somehow falls in love with her character and wit. They then chronicle every chapter of their life together, producing some of the raunchiest sex tapes ever created. As the story progresses, other characters come into play. The movie promises to be full of vampire on human love scenes, werewolf orgies, vampire threesomes and even a vampire on werewolf bestiality scene.

Every scene is captured by a singular camera, creating an amateurish effect that many fans would truly appreciate. The creators of the film also promise a dramatic surprise twist in the end.

“This is the type of porn that many people would definitely get into” said producer and closet Twilight fanatic David Marsters. “We have assembled a beautiful cast f top notch performers and our writers have crafted a story for the ages. There’s something for everyone here. In fact, if it wasn’t for the really hardcore sex stuff, I think we have made a truly high quality romance movie.”

“Paranormal Activities During Twilight” is set to go straight to DVD in the coming year. It boasts a full load of special features. Besides the outtakes, the DVD will also feature an image gallery, a special commentary and three alternate endings. This movie definitely deserves a proud place in anyone’s DVD collection. The one that is usually hidden in a special compartment in one’s closet, along with a few dirty mags and a box of condoms.

“No matter what adult sex video is laid out in front of him, Superman will resist it.” This is the statement made by Clifford Jonas, a self-proclaimed comic book expert from Philadelphia. Jonas claims that after he has studied comic books from his personal collection from the Golden age DC archives, he discovered that one of the powers that Superman possess is “super-chastity”.

“People think that Superman is very disciplined due to his Southern traditional upbringing” Jonas said, pointing out Jonathan and Martha Kent’s contributions to Superman’s righteousness. “Superman just has an extremely low sex drive. The values instilled upon him by his adoptive parents were to uphold truth and justice. I don’t believe they ever tackled sex.”

Jonas’ hypothesis revolves mainly around the fact that Superman , despite looking perfectly like a human being, is an alien. “He’s Kryptonian. He can leap tall buildings and shit. His physiological make up is definitely different from ours. He’s impervious to all human weaknesses. That includes psychological ones.”

“The same way Superman can survive long periods of time without eating or breathing, he also does not feel the need to have sex. If he can resist his primary instincts, why can’t the same be said about his sexual needs? I would not be surprised if Superman is one of those people who can have erections on command, and not during arousal. Reading the newer comics, we know that Superman has turned down advances from Ice (Guy Gardner’s main squeeze), Maxima, Wonder Woman, and every other hottie in the DC Universe that he wasn’t related to. That just takes more than willpower or loyalty to Lois Lane. That’s just superhuman.”

Jonas also sites the numerous times Superman could have had his way with Lois prior to their marriage, but chose not to. “Again, people think that it’s because of his discipline, and that’s partly the reason. Mostly, it’s because he doesn’t really want to.”

Another theory that Jonas presented is a parallelism between Superman and Watchmen’s Dr. Manhattan. Both considered to be god-like beings, Dr. Manhattan turned his back on humanity once his wife, the Silk Spectre, left him. Any connection he had with the human race has been severed at that point. Jonas predicts that Superman only keeps Lois around is because she is his main connection to humanity.

“So no, Superman can watch all the porn in the world and not have a boner.” Jonas concludes.