The Porn Pay-Per-View Network

Robert and Doris happens to be a unique couple, so it did not come as no surprise to their friends of their unorthodox circumstances to their engagement. It was all thanks to an adult video on demand. Their story is as sweet as it is rather disturbing.

Robert and Doris have been living together for two years. They have always been very much in love with one another. However, there was one thing that always got Doris’ goat. Doris always hated the fact that Robert was constantly watching porn movies online. Every single time that Doris would turn her back, Robert would be on the computer digging up the sickest, vilest porn he could find. He never made an effort to hide it too. To his credit, Robert felt there was nothing to be ashamed about in liking porn.

Doris then tried to shame her man by talking about what she refers to as “his filthy habit” in front of their friends. This did not deter the porn loving Robert. In fact, he mistakenly took it as a sign of acceptance. One day, Doris decided to take a more aggressive action against Robert’s hobby. Every time she would catch Robert in the act, she would watch alongside him, doing off color annotations of the things he was watching. She would make jokes about the videos, even teasing him to pleasure himself. All the time Doris was hoping that her comments and jokes would discourage Robert from his constant porn patronage.

Robert, however, had a surprise for her that she would never, ever forget. Unbeknownst to his lady love, Robert had made phone calls and sent emails to the developers of his favorite porn sites. He had made arrangements for them to create a very special video for her. When he received a favorable reply, Robert set his master plan into motion.

On one Saturday evening, Doris came home to find Robert once again watching online porn videos. True to form, she sat down beside him, making her usual sarcastic comments. The video featured a man and a woman having sex, and Robert did not make a sound all through out the video. Once the performers were done with coitus, both looked at the camera and held up a sign that said “If you agree to marry me, Doris, I’ll keep the porn to a minimum”. Doris turned to see Robert with a ring in hand.

They are now happily married and enjoying porn together.

The act of watching porn has always been frowned upon by conservative parties for years. Now, they have managed to come up with a brand new reason to hate the universally beloved hobby. They are now claiming that porn and the habit of viewing it are the reasons many civilizations have been faced with nothing but doom.

Their claim is based on many signs of times that define today’s generation. They even have gone as far as to blame the economic downfall to watching adult movies and videos.

Rev. Alfred Brand has revealed many of this new mentality’s sources. “Back in the ancient times, many empires were doomed once they have fallen into decadence. The corruption of a public figure has always been linked to godlessness, and there are many cases wherein the only thing that could have stopped any recession was a solid moral stand. In time, when all the unfortunate things have all piled up on top of each other producing extraordinarily hard times, someone will be pointing that out. There will always be a group of people who would lay the blame on some fort of moral degeneracy.”

There are some key points that would reinforce the claim that porn could very well be responsible for pushing society closer into oblivion. The crash of the market can be indirectly tied in to the popularity of porn. While the majority of the world are becoming closer and closer into poverty, the porn industry still manages to thrive. This shows that more people are pouring their hard earned cash into the porn industry rather than into investments that could hopefully turn the economy around.

The corruption of political leaders can also be attributed — in no small part — to pornography. Porn has been blamed for the moral degradation of the youth for several decades now, and it would come to no surprise if those who grew up to be world leaders indulged in porn in their younger days.

The bottom line is that the act of indulging in porn produces less disciplined individuals. With a generally liberated society would possess neither the emotional and physical control needed to strive for a better future nor the strength of character required to see problems through. The problem is, though, that there are very few laws that would diminish the grip porn has on society.

“If any of these arguments hold at least some truth in them, then we are doomed Brand concluded.”

For many decades, campaigns to thwart the tobacco industry have been done to lessen the use and harm of their highly addictive product. Over the past several years however, adult porn sites have slowly risen to a point that it is becoming more addictive than nicotine. A recent study conducted by a bunch of researchers from a California university confirms this.

There are several problems in comparing porn and cigarettes. First, cigarettes are cheaper and readily available everywhere. There are more people who smoke cigarettes than they view adult porn sites. However, since porn sites do not generally slowly kill people, non-smoking porn lovers tend to enjoy porn sites for a longer period of time.

Since there are no immediate physiological effects in watching porn, it is very rare that a person would go on a “porn site hiatus”. Cigarette smokers on average tend to temporarily kick the habit once plagued by effects of nicotine such as a sore throat.

Addiction expert Dr. Philip Rassmusstin offered his take on the subject. “Porn sites are more addictive because many people don’t even know that they’re addicted to viewing them. Cigarette smoking is generally perceived as an addictive vice. With that as a given, people smoke under the predetermined notion that they are partaking something that’s addictive. Most of the times, that helps them moderate the habit. With porn, it’s very different, mainly because people already have lowered their guards down upon visiting a particular porn site. This in essence makes them all the more vulnerable to porn addiction.”

With such a unique perspective on porn addiction, Rassmusstin is hard pressed when it comes to suggesting a means of avoiding addiction. “The only thing I can think of is that people should just go cold turkey with porn sites.”

If it is proven that porn sites are indeed more addictive than cigarettes, should there be action taken to discourage people from visiting these sites? “I don’t think there’s anything that can be done about it. Like cigarettes, porn is a problem that we all have to live with. I myself have embraced the addiction, and that is indeed the first step.”

The negative effects of adult porn sites have yet to be fully determined. The researchers are currently trying to determine if these sites are a new problem to be faced or possibly a healthier alternative to smoking.

Sexually-themed video games have been around since the time of Atari, and with advancements in technology, these games are getting more and more realistic. It is now believed that video games are the next step in the evolution of video porn.

Porn expert Rafael Rivera agrees with this statement wholeheartedly. “The main purpose of porn is to primarily fulfill our fantasies. We want to be in the position of and actually do the things that the porn stars are doing on video. It has been a long time misconception that voyeurism, or merely watching these videos are the closest we’ll ever get to participate in one’s fantasy. That will not be the case anymore.”

With mainstream games like Grand Theft Auto and God of War featuring mini-games that allow you to control a character’s actions during coitus, the once underground genre of sex video games are about to rise. “I have always believed it was inevitable” adds Rivera. “I just never thought that I was going to live to see it.”

Rivera is a literature major whose main focus of study has been porn and all its aspects. He has also taken special interest in sex video games ever since discovering and conquering the popular online Flash game Orgasm Girl. “I have never felt a deeper enjoyment while watching porn than I did during the time I was playing Orgasm Girl consistently. It was indeed nearly as good as the real thing, and in some instances even better. Hell, I wish I was that adept at making a woman cum.”

Rivera has coined the phrase “simulation is stimulation” as he’s constantly on the look out for games that would provide him a nearly “real” experience. “There’s nothing better than a game that makes you feel that you’re really there. And it’s not just about lust. It’s something to do with a person’s primal yet unreleased instincts. I think that’s why Grand Theft Auto is so enjoyable. You get to have sex, shoot cops, blow stuff up, all that. Those are things we’ve all wanted to do at one point or another. The game somehow makes it a reality, and takes away the consequences that usually follow such acts. Fulfillment without responsibility, that’s a package that’s better than drugs.”

If this is indeed the beginning of a new age in porn, will there still be a place for porn stars? “I hope so” Rivera said grimly. “But I doubt it.”

In an effort to ”clean up” their local neighborhood, a self-appointed group of vigilantes known as the Big Determined Soldiers of Morality or the BDSM has confiscated piles upon piles of teen porn videos from the residents of a small town in Missouri. The porn videos came in the form of DVDs, VHS tapes and even entire hard drives were seized and destroyed by the BDSM.

“We will not stop until every shred of this filth has been cleansed from our pure neighborhood” said the BDSM head honcho known only as Papa Bear. Bear is the individual that put together the BDSM nearly a year ago, after he discovered his own niece was partaking in some rather immoral acts involving a porn fanatic. Bear insists that all of the youth’s “immoral” behavior was brought forth by the proliferation of pornographic materials, and has since started a very aggressive and sometimes irrational campaign to wipeout what he believes is a threat to his community’s way of life.

Discovering several individuals willing to don the mask and pursue what many believe is an insane quest. One resident vehemently disagrees with the BDSM’s primary canon and methods. “It’s this holier-than-thou bullshit that makes the world more fucked up than it should be” said a guy named Brian, who despite never having seen a single porn video in his life, hates the BDSM to a superlative degree. “If there is something that offends you, then look away. There’s nothing criminal about watching porn. You can’t expect the rest of the world to adjust to you just because you can’t accept something.”

When asked to comment on this, Papa Bear just shrugged and cursed under his breath. “What does that guy know? This is about pride and principles. About standing up for what’s right by any means necessary. If he or anyone else can’t handle that, then he and everyone else is welcome to try and stop us. We’re doing this for their own good. Fucking ingrates.”

Local authorities have strangely turned a blind eye on these moral vigilantes. Chief Inspector O’Hara argues that no crime has been committed and the matter is still not a concern. “We don’t know who they are. We don’t know anything. And so far, they haven’t broken the law. The porn materials they destroyed were voluntarily given to them by concerned citizens. Once they break the law, then we’ll nail these guys.”

Until then, these fanatics are feared to escalate their actions.

It is a general conception that watching porn is a singular activity, or something one generally does alone. A new social networking site plans to shatter that conception by connecting the world’s porn fans in one porn happy community. In fact, the tentative name of the site itself is porn happy community. The developer of the site, a young man by the name of David Fleer, hopes to create a community that would make porn fans feel comfortable with their porn watching.

“There has always been a taint of shame for porn fanatics.” explains Fleer, who himself is going to be an active member of the site he’s trying to create, much like the “Tom” guy from MySpace. “IN my site, that shame will somehow be erased. This is a social networking site that allows fans to appreciate the art of porn without fear of judgments and any of the negative stuff that society has put porn under. They can post pictures of themselves, pretty much declare tot he world not just the fact that they love porn, but why, and what kind, and people would be genuinely interested.”

Fleer says the idea came to him one night while drinking with his friends and in a state of drunkenness the discussion turned to porn. Each of his friends was complaining about how being caught with porn in the street or the video store was very embarrassing, and how their boyfriends or girlfriends would find porn in the computers and it would be a big fight. Despite all those hassles, no one is going to stop watching porn, Fleer deduced, and he determined that he was going to do something about it.

One of the unique traits of the site, according to Fleer, is that it gives members the ability to upload porn videos, be it amateur or professional. “I’m still working out the kinks, especially with copyright laws and such. I don’t want to step on toes here, especially not from anyone in the porn industry.”

Fleer calls the site his contribution to the world. “I view it as some kind of legacy that I could leave behind. I know that people will go to the site not knowing and caring who it is that created it, but seeing my fellow porn brethren interacting with each other, finding a place online where they know they truly belong, is enough for me.”

A man in Kentucky is about to make history, and it all started over a bottle of Grey Goose. Wade Johnson went to his friend’s house for a night of drinking one Saturday night, and he walked out with a bet that promises to snag him over twenty thousand dollars. And all he has to do to earn that small fortune is to watch porn online.

The details of the bet are simple. Wade has to watch 18 hours of online sex videos a day. No repeats, no stopping. If he manages to do this for an entire month, all of Wade’s friends who were in attendance that night would contribute to pay Wade twenty thousand big ones. His friends would be checking him at his apartment at random times a day and they will also be checking up on him via remote desktop. Wade has to divide the remaining 6 hours with sleep and bathroom breaks. As additional proof, Wade has to catalog every single porn video he watches and the length, just to ensure that by month’s end, he has hit the right amount of hours to win the money. The unemployed Wade sees this as a golden opportunity.

“Eighteen hours a day for an entire month” said the fatigued Wade. “It’s not as easy as people would think, but then again, it’s not that hard.”

Wade has just finished one week of this crazy bet. “At first it was hard,, because I have to cook and eat my meals as well, and even after a week, I still haven’t developed the stomach that would enable me to eat and watch some guy drilling a girl with his big penis just yet.”

When asked if he ever pleasured himself during the week that he’s been committed to the bet, Wade was completely honest. “The first couple of days, I was jacking off like crazy. By the third day, watching it just became sort of a job. It’s becoming really tiring.”

His friends have serious doubts, of course, as to whether or not Wade can pull through. “Wade has always been one of those people that can’t finish what he starts. We’re all pretty sure that halfway through he’d be out of the game.”

Wade resented that comment. “I’ll show them. I’ll show them all. I may not be able to do a lot, but if there were championships for sitting around and just watching porn, I’d have a dynasty going. It would be a distinct pleasure proving them wrong as I spend their hard earned money.”

HANSBOROUGH, AL – Green goo was splattered all over an Alabama household after extraterrestrials invaded a remote home near the Appalachian Mountains just yesterday. The aliens scoured the place but according to family members living in the house, the invaders had terminally succumbed to a bad allergic reaction to an adult movie being played in the living room.

Jabba Hogwatch, the matriarch of the house, was still shaken while recounting what had happened during that fateful night. “All of the family members were in the living room, watching porn and getting drunk. Then the door suddenly flew open and these disgusting looking aliens burst in. They were a bunch of red and brown balls of phlegm that floated on this flying metal plate. They somehow used a mind zapper on all of us because everyone couldn’t stand up to shoo them critters away!”

Jabba’s eldest son, Yoda Hogwatch, was not inebriated during the scene and corroborated on what his mother has said, “This might be something from a Hollywood movie, but this is true,” cries Yoda as policemen began questioning him. “Leia who’s five months pregnant tried to grab her shotgun, but my sister couldn’t seem to move properly from the sofa. I hadn’t drank yet anything then when the aliens arrived.”

The youngest, Han Hogwatch, revealed that while they all stared in horror at the faceless flying aliens, he felt that something was keeping the invaders from moving towards them. “The volume of “Debbie Does Malibu” was still high and the movie continued playing”, he recalls. Han remembers that they were watching the group sex scene when the aliens arrived. The sound and the images seem to violently agitate the aliens that they never got to reach any family member and do what they were planning to do. Han said, “the aliens began to shake uncontrollably, like they were excited by what we were watching. Their red and green bodies began to to turn a pale blue. It felt like they were, you know, cumming. And before you know it, they exploded like a water balloon did. It was awfully strange.”

The Hogwatches immediately called 911 and it took almost an hour before the police arrived. The authorities came and found the living room completely slimed. “It was like that goo from Nickelodeon but it smelled like fart”, says one police officer. The Hogwatches tried washing the goo off but it sticks like snot.

The FBI is called in to investigate while the local police tried to track down where the aliens may have come from. No definite leads yet have been announced.

There was a time when being caught watching porn was considered something you should be ashamed of, and must be kept hidden. But thanks largely to the media’s open recognition of the adult film industry, those days are no longer the norm. Now, smut is an everyday blase thing.

There are many factors that contributed to porn no longer belonging in the dark corners of video stores. Perhaps the biggest factor is the pervasive and added level of voyeurism in celebrity sex tapes. Ever since Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee made their bedroom antics public, celebrity sex tapes have become somewhat of a norm. The very notion of watching celebrities having sex suddenly make them attainable individuals. They have become like regular folks who get frisky and express their lust.

Paris Hilton’s now legendary sex tape “One Night in Paris” officially broke the barrier between pop culture and the adult film industry, to the point that celebrity sex tapes are now as common as independent movies. It is a testament to the popularity of porn that Paris has then embarked on a very successful career as an actress in both film and television after the sex tape came out.

Now, celebrity hopefuls use this same technique, leaking out supposedly private sex videos, in an attempt to achieve the same celebrity status. Case in point, Kim Kardashian, whose sex tape just reeked of PR and marketing ploys.

With the public clamoring for celebrities to undress and display themselves in front of the camera, a lot of the attention have spilled over to the hardcore adult film industry. Many highly regarded adult film stars have made a transition from being in porn, to being household names. Stars like Ron Jeremy, Jenna, Jameson, Tera Patrick, and Jesse Jane have all established their own cult following to the point that they are easily recognizable even when plunged into the mainstream media.

Movies, television, and print, have all been domains that have once been uncharted by personalities of the porn industry, but now they are but extensions of their own media playground.

With the technological advancements in both the production and distribution of porn material, it’s hard to derail the medium from its path of complete integration with pop culture. Indeed it has become slightly chic to be a self appointed connoisseur of all things porn.

With the public eye veering towards a more liberal point of view, one would not be surprised if the medium of adult film finally and firmly establishes itself as a legitimate form of entertainment. Somehow, porn has become as commonplace as say, the sitcom. The medium, after all, caters to some of people’s basic needs and desires. And like films, it provides a sense of escapism.