HANSBOROUGH, AL – Green goo was splattered all over an Alabama household after extraterrestrials invaded a remote home near the Appalachian Mountains just yesterday. The aliens scoured the place but according to family members living in the house, the invaders had terminally succumbed to a bad allergic reaction to an adult movie being played in the living room.
Jabba Hogwatch, the matriarch of the house, was still shaken while recounting what had happened during that fateful night. “All of the family members were in the living room, watching porn and getting drunk. Then the door suddenly flew open and these disgusting looking aliens burst in. They were a bunch of red and brown balls of phlegm that floated on this flying metal plate. They somehow used a mind zapper on all of us because everyone couldn’t stand up to shoo them critters away!”
Jabba’s eldest son, Yoda Hogwatch, was not inebriated during the scene and corroborated on what his mother has said, “This might be something from a Hollywood movie, but this is true,” cries Yoda as policemen began questioning him. “Leia who’s five months pregnant tried to grab her shotgun, but my sister couldn’t seem to move properly from the sofa. I hadn’t drank yet anything then when the aliens arrived.”
The youngest, Han Hogwatch, revealed that while they all stared in horror at the faceless flying aliens, he felt that something was keeping the invaders from moving towards them. “The volume of “Debbie Does Malibu” was still high and the movie continued playing”, he recalls. Han remembers that they were watching the group sex scene when the aliens arrived. The sound and the images seem to violently agitate the aliens that they never got to reach any family member and do what they were planning to do. Han said, “the aliens began to shake uncontrollably, like they were excited by what we were watching. Their red and green bodies began to to turn a pale blue. It felt like they were, you know, cumming. And before you know it, they exploded like a water balloon did. It was awfully strange.”
The Hogwatches immediately called 911 and it took almost an hour before the police arrived. The authorities came and found the living room completely slimed. “It was like that goo from Nickelodeon but it smelled like fart”, says one police officer. The Hogwatches tried washing the goo off but it sticks like snot.
The FBI is called in to investigate while the local police tried to track down where the aliens may have come from. No definite leads yet have been announced.
