He calls himself the Porn Crusader, a self-made superhero who walks the night using an arsenal of sex toys and other techniques inspired by what he describes as the best porn video ever. In a very revealing interview, the champion of the Canadian province of Newfoundland talked about his exploits. While the hero
refused to name the video that spawned his new identity for fear of copycats, he explained his roots to the best of his ability. The Porn Crusader hopes to share his vision of a better world, a world wherein the streets are safe from drugs and prostitution.
The Porn Crusader’s tale begins a quiet night in his apartment. It was a boring old weeknight, and in his own words, “life was mundane as mundane can possibly be”. He popped a newly rented VHS tape into his player (VHS is still a big thing in his part of the woods) and proceeded to view what he still describes as the “greatest porn video ever made”. He was treated to a stunning series of sexual action that featured the
best in the world of BDSM. That was the point when the Crusader was born. He saw the cries of the
woman bound and gagged, and being pleasured by sex toys. He saw the tears of the world. The pained moans of the woman who was subjected with a string of anal beads only made the Crusader hear her cries of a world in peril. He had heard the call to arms of a world that was tired of taking it in the ass. He felt the the time was right. It was the perfect scenario for the rise of The Porn Crusader.
When asked about his superhero code name, the Crusader looked dumbfounded. “I’m the Porn Crusader. I watched porn, I decided to crusade. What’s weird about that?” When it was explained to him that his name suggests that he was a crusader for the rights of pornographic material, the Crusader’s eyes widened. “Huh?”
Nevertheless, the Crusader had trained himself in martial arts and armed himself with the best sex toys money can buy. Each of the dildos he uses have been customized for combat and pleasure alike. “With
devices created with the intention of inflicting an unforgettably painful experience to its victim, I shall clean up Newfoundland! First, Canada, tomorrow, the world.”
Canada’s most wanted have something to fear now, and his name is The Porn Crusader.
