A quiet afternoon was torn asunder by a riveting hostage crisis taking place in the normally peaceful town of Cleveland, Ohio. A middle aged unemployed man by the name of Henry Laughlin had snapped one morning and decided to hold two kids hostage in his rundown apartment. Miraculously, no one was hurt, and it was all thanks to the unlikely assist of online porn movies.
Laughlin had taken two of his neighbor’s kids, who he always had a friendly relationship with, hostage as he was screaming “bloody murder in the skies”. Laughlin, a former research assistant at the University of Cleveland was laid off a few months ago due to budget cuts and had been spending an “inordinate” amount of time watching the heavens with his telescope.
“That bastard threatened my kids” said the father Frank Robbins. “We’ve known him for years, treated him as one of our own, but I tell you, I’m gonna kill him the next time I see him!”
Other neighbors claim that Laughlin had never been more than docile. Even after losing his job a few weeks back, neighbors and other friends claim that Laughlin’s behavior never veered towards violence or did he display any form of depression or anxiety.
The day he took his neighbor’s kids hostage, Laughlin never offered any demands nor did he harm the children. The kids had revealed that all the while they had never felt threatened despite the fat that the hostage taker was wielding a gun. All the while, the suspect had just left the children to play with the computer, warning them to not set foot outside the apartment.
“He was very nice,” claimed Sheila, the seven year old hostage. “He said it wasn’t safe outside, and he was protecting us, and it was too late for daddy, who was already turned into an asshole.”
The situation was laid to rest when the SWAT team finally took down Laughlin. Laughlin lowered his guard after one of the hostages accidentally discovered a porn site, and was watching a porn video. Once the members of the SWAT team burst into the door Laughlin, did not bother putting up a fight.
In a chilling interview with the suspect, Laughlin reveals his newly developed dementia. “It’s all coming to an end. It’s an asshole epidemic. Everyone! Turning into assholes! Assholes I tell you! It’s in the sky! Look at the sky!”
At that point Laughlin had wet himself and let out a long and very maniacal laugh.
