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Teen Pornstars Keep Us Safe From Aliens.

It’s a question that has always been raised ever since man has reached the moon. Is there intelligent life out there? And by “there”, people refer to outer space. Science fiction movies are loaded with aliens usually bent on universal conquest, but where is it all based? Since man has achieved some form of space travel, it’s likely that there are beings on other worlds that have, as well. And if they do show up n our skies, how will we be able to defend ourselves in a conflict, when our most potent military weapons are as destructive to ourselves as they are against “them”.

A scientist from NASA, a firm believer in the existence of alien beings, has a theory as to why we have not seen any unexpected visitors in the planet. She believes that aliens avoid our planet because of porn. “NASA has been sending transmissions of random things into space. Music, videos from popular movies and television shows just to somehow give any beings out there an idea of human life” explained NASA scientist Christina Lee. She reveals what she thinks is a folly done by her predecessors I the research center.

“Apparently, someone thought it would be amusing to beam out porn videos, particularly those starring teen pornstars into space. And I believe that’s what’s scaring off those creatures!” Lee explains thoroughly why she believes that the videos are the reason why any form of contact had been possible. “Think about it this way. The aliens would not have any idea that what they’re actually watching is our way of mating. In many ways, they could see the teen porn and get the impression that they’re torture videos. Some of them literally are! These videos could have caused any alien who was on his way here and perhaps provide us useful insight of the universe and space travel to say ‘fuck it’ and turn around.”

When asked why she thinks no one tries and removes the porn videos from the broadcast, Lee just raises her arms in the air and shrugs. “Those guys back then may have fucked up the human race’s ability for space travel. And for what? For some juvenile kicks, that’s what. If I didn’t need this job to support the hundred cats I like with, I’d quit.”

In space, it is said that no one can hear you scream. Not even when being assaulted by a thick dildo.

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